God's Handiwork

We’re back from London, what a great trip! It may seem strange to go all that way and then to choose to post pictures of flowers on my blog. No shots of Big Ben or Buckingham Palace (I do have some). Manmade edifices, even fabulous ones, just can’t compare with God’s handiwork.

I do have a funny story about the day we went to Kew Gardens, that’s where we saw these orange tulips—it’s a wonderful place.

As we prepared to pay to go in we questioned the lady at the ticket window about all the different options. We finally settled on our tickets and to confirm what I asked for she said, “One adult ticket?”

Thinking I was being clever I answered, “Did you ask that because I look so young you thought I might be a child?”

Puzzled she said, “No. We do have senior tickets as well.”

The nasty truth hit me that she was asking not because I looked young but because I didn’t! Oh my, it is so easy to interpret the world through our own viewpoint and so hard to see ourselves as others see us!

Well, now that the wedding is over (and the new marriage is started) and the trip to Europe is accomplished, I hope to be visiting you more often here.

In closing I have a wonderful blessing to share. The prayer CD I worked on (along with three others) are now available. Check it out at “Let’s Pray Today.”

Blessings! Sue

The Wedding!

(Cameron and Ethne, Ringbearer and Flowergirl)

Mr. & Mrs. Eric Cameron!


I imagine that many of you pray for your children. I’ve prayed about many things, but foremost are two requests. First, that each child entrusted to us will come to know the Lord Jesus in a fully personal and powerful way. Next, that if the Lord has planned for them to marry, that their mate will be a perfect God-designed match for them and that the two will share great joy in becoming one (for the rest of their lives.)

My heart is so thankful that the Lord has answered these prayers I’ve held up to Him. More than that, I believe He is the very one who planted the desire in my heart to make these two requests in the first place—for He has desired these to be fulfilled in my children’s lives long before He created each one and loaned them to me.

So, now I’ve witnessed our youngest exchanging heartfelt vows with the woman he loves, and she with him. There is something sacred about those words passing out of the heart through sincere lips—“Oh, Lord, give them the strength and determination to faithfully fullfill their promises to each other, day-by-day, year-by-year!”

It will take some time before I feel rested and that our life is back to normal. But great once-in-a-lifetime celebrations are worth all the effort beforehand and recovery time afterwards! We enjoyed all the out-of-town family who came to share our joy and all the new family we’ve gained through this marriage. I used to think that when my children grew up I’d lose them, but the truth is, I’ve gained many new people to love— daughters and son’s-in-law and grandchildren. The blessings just increase and this is wonderful blessing! Maybe now I’ll get back to blogging on a regular basis (although I’m not sure I’ve ever been very regular about blogging).

Let's Celebrate!

(Here I am working at my computer—notice the reflection in my glasses)

(Newly planted flowers in pots near my front door)

It’s time to plant flowers! I know it’s only March but with Eric’s wedding only weeks away—it’s time! I want everything to look nice for the guests. Sadly, we won’t have the remodeling done (or even started). Our tile “Conquest” by Interceramic, was discontinued about 4 or 5 years ago. We’re having a hard time finding it and need quite a bit to match the floor and counter tops. We didn’t want the house to be torn up when our company is here, so we have to wait until after the wedding to begin the project.

I want to bear witness to the fact that the Lord is a gracious Provider. First, since our insurance doesn’t cover anything related to sleep disorders, and a long-time friend completed my sleep study at no cost. Next, my flight out there was a gift from the couple who are producing the “Let’s Pray Today,” CD series. And finally, after returning home and pricing CPAP units (a machine to force air into my airways while I sleep), our friends Kenny and Angela gave me one! So, now I’m nearly set to begin using it, just need to have it calibrated according to my prescription.

Our pastor at church is preaching about the spiritual disciplines. It is very challenging to me personally. This week I was surprised to learn that one of the disciplines is celebration. This is so amazing. As children we know all about celebrating. I still remember our Sara on her birthday. Every cell of her being was full of joy knowing that it was her very own special day. She glowed from the moment she awoke until her head hit the pillow at night. She enjoyed her day, fully, lavishly, with no regrets. But often, as adults, we forget how to celebrate and have to be disciplined to keep it a part of our life.

It has always interested me that the Lord commanded His people to observe so many feasts, many lasting a week or more. Their year was filled with celebration—they took so many holidays that by North American standards, we might consider it to be excessive. The Lord didn’t, doesn’t. He wanted them to live that way. I think He still wants us to live that way, but we’re too busy being productive to experience our real purpose.

Our pastor said—only one fast was required but all these feasts. It shows God’s generosity. His desire for us, is “do,” not “don’t.” “Yes,” not “no.” Like in the garden— one ‘don’t touch’ too a multitude of ‘touch,’ ‘touch,’ ‘touch.’ And, that one “don’t” was given to keep us safe. Fun, God’s idea! Feasting, God’s idea! Laughing, enjoying life, celebrating, smiling—all His plan.

How often do we allow ourselves to be swept away? We can, if we discipline ourselves. It seems a contradiction, but it’s not. Discipline myself to stop working and play. Discipline myself to stop rushing and take time to listen to the birds and watch children be children. Notice the sunset and enjoy the smell and taste of food. Dance in response to the song in my heart. Live life freely. Doesn’t it sound tempting? Yummy? Those who are spiritually disciplined know how to live a life of celebration.

What would my life be like if I rejoiced and celebrated all of the time? If the reality of His constant love flowing down on me washed me away from the mundane tasks into a joyful river of thankfulness as I went about my daily routines? This has much more to do with attitude than about circumstances. I want to live in the fullness of His joy, don’t you? So, this week, I will take time to celebrate, I hope you’ll join me!

Oh, Sleepy Head!

(Here I am with Kayla, enjoying my favorite passtime.)

Have you ever discovered that something you thought was really good, wasn’t? Until this morning I thought I had the gift of sleeping. For most people sleep is actually a natural occurrence not a unique gift but I’ve always given thanks for my incredible ability in this area.

I fall asleep within minutes of going to bed, nap every day for exactly twenty minutes and can sleep at any time, in any place, at will. Doesn’t that sound like a special power to you?

Well, it isn’t. It’s a disorder. A sleep disorder called sleep apnea. I went to bed last night at the Georgetown Sleep Center, an amazing facility owned by our good friends, Jim and Lisa Curlee.

I was wired. Literally. Multicolored wires taped to my scalp, dangling down my legs, monitors stuck to my back and chest, all feeding into a small box which recorded the details of the amount of oxygen in my blood, my heart rate, what stage of sleep I was in, and the pattern of my breathing. I failed the breathing part. I stopped breathing about 70 times an hour. This happens when a person has an obstructed airway. The result is that my brain had to arouse me to take a breath, over and over and over again. Seems I was so busy concentrating on breathing that I didn’t really sleep very well at all. (30 obstructions an hour is considered, severe sleep apnea.) So much for my ‘gift.’

I’m sure the Lord has another special gift for me, one that isn’t imagined to be good but is actually good. But I sort of hate to say good-bye to this life long friend—except that keeping this friendship substantially increases my risk of heart attack and stroke (and other bad stuff). So, I’m going to become the masked woman at bedtime, wearing a small device over my nose while a CPAP machine forces air into my airways. I’m supposed to feel a difference. The fact is, in the fifty years I’ve been living I may have never experience what it feels like to get a good night’s sleep; never known how it is to be well rested; am unaware of the true beauty of sleep. And all this time I thought I had a gift.

Life is like that. We can so easily be deceived to into thinking something is normal,

the way it’s meant to be, simply because it’s all we know and we’ve never experienced

anything different. In fact, our ‘normal’ may actually be abnormal. We may be

unaware of the negative affect certain behaviors have on our spiritual health.

Just because we were raised a certain way doesn’t mean it the best way to live in our adult lives. In fact, as believers, we’re supposed to adjust our behaviors to God’s word. He says things like, forgive, be patient, give a soft answer and speak the truth in love.

I want to do what He says, don’t you? So, I’m asking Him to test me, to probe with the sharp tip of His Word, and measure my reactions, and to reveal any areas that need attention. I want to be truly and totally spiritually whole, so that on that day when I go to sleep for the last time, I’ll wake up and find Jesus with open arms and a smile on His face and I’ll smile back, with no regrets.

THANKS FOR PRAYING (update)!

(These are the earrnings we gave Ethne for her birthday. She liked them, but the magnets were too tight and hurt her ears.)

Thank you so much for praying for my trip to Georgetown, TX., to record the CD, “Let’s Pray Today! Praying for my husband and Marriage.” Here’s a short report.

Several days before leaving El Paso, my throat started to feel clogged and I began coughing and trying to clear it. My voice was weak and strained. Many prayed and I had a peace about just going ahead with the trip as planned. I arrived Sunday and met with Cathy, who is heading up the project, and one of the other authors. We had a photo session, hoping to get a good head shot for the back of CD cover. It was a blast.

Then we drove to the studio and walked around the property and prayed for God to surround the place with His angels and to keep the evil one away. I met Scott, a great and gentle man, who owns and operates the studio. That evening I read several of the prayers to my friend, Lisa (I stayed with her) and discovered there was too much material for the allotted time. I decided to cut out a lot of my extra ‘commentary,’ keeping the focus on the actual prayers.

On Monday, I awoke full of joy and excitement. I sensed the prayers that surrounded me. My throat still felt squeezed and my voice sounded raspy but Scot said, “Just pause and cough. Drink water whenever you need. Since it’s a digital recording I can easily cut out those parts.” So, I did.

The five prayers with introduction and conclusion took about 2 ½ hours to record (coughing and drinking water take a lot of time)! The ladies who were in the other room praying came out with tear-filled eyes saying that it was good. I’ll leave this determination to the Lord, I’m just so blessed to be a part of this and thankful that all went well.

Once finished, we drove to lunch. As soon as I got in the car I felt my throat clear—completely. The change was drastic. I told Lisa, “My voice is normal again!” She agreed. Whew! That’s when I knew how vital your prayers had been. Then, after lunch, Cathy returned to the studio to see how Scott was doing with the editing. She found him sweeping leaves and dirt out of the small room where I’d been sitting.

“What happened?” she asked.

“After you all left a huge gust of wind blew in with all these leaves and dirt and it even ripped the door of the hinge, and knocked some equipment over.”

So, you see how powerful and necessary your prayers were to protect us and to allow this work to go forward? I REALLY appreciate your time and concern and for the way you joined me in providing this resource to women.

“We bless your Name Lord Almighty for you alone have all authority over all powers! Thank you for protecting us and please watch over the rest of the recordings! Lord please bless those who took the time to pray for this project. Thank you for hearing and answering all of our prayers! Please use this CD to glorify your name and to bring your life into many marriages. Amen.”

I just want you all to know that Cathy and her husband Eric have committed to giving the potential profits of this project fully to missions. Isn’t that wonderful?

Thanks again,

Sue

Losing and Gaining

(Here's a new picture of Cameron and Kayla.)

After turning fifty, going on a cruise and eating my way through the Christmas season, I noticed that I'd outgrown my clothes. I love buying new outfits but not if they are a bigger size. Going to the gym wasn't helping (yes, I actually worked out--some).
So I decided to join Weight Watchers on-line. I felt real hunger pains and pity pains for the first five days. Then I weighed myself (two days early) and realized all my suffering and self-denial hadn’t resulted in any weight loss, not even half a pound!

I felt indignant; cheated! I expected my good deeds and self-sacrifice to pay off, quickly. I hadn’t eaten my chocolate cookies or snacked on the Mint Crispies Craig had given me for Valentine’s Day. I felt entitled to some results and encouragement in the form of losing some weight. When I didn’t get what I was expecting I just about gave up, more out of indignation than anything else. I’m used to congratulating myself on effort, even a little bit of effort. When I exercise, I don’t push myself, I rationalize, “At least I’m not sitting at home.” And with this diet I figured, “I’ve gone without chocolate for five days, some one ought to notice (someone besides me)!

My reaction was quite severe and I whined to several people about my lack of progress. I got very little pity, but I did get a lot of advice. Basically others told me, “Stick with it. It’s too early to expect results!” I felt like shouting, Too early? I don’t ever deny myself and it’s been five whole days. But I didn’t yell, instead I thought about their suggestions and realized I am a wimp. Really. Now you may have already reached this conclusion, but to me it was a revelation of sorts. I don’t know how to persevere, to work hard for a long time, to be patient and faithful and steady in the process of moving toward a goal. I think it’s time to grow up in this area.

We watched the movie Amazing Grace, this weekend. William Wilburforce is a great example of a person who did not give up and in the end his perseverance paid off for millions. But he was tempted to quit. God gave him strength to keep struggling in the battle to end slavery.

So, I didn’t stop limiting my caloric intake and I’m pleased to say that by day 7 I had actually seen the number on my scale drop. I intend to stay faithful at least until the wedding in an attempt to reach my goal.

I’m starting to think that this process really isn’t about losing weight but about gaining maturity.

Feeling Special

Ethne turned two. It is her last birthday as an only child. The last one as the only grandchild in town. We gave her a pair of magnetic earrings and a music box princess doll that plays ‘Somewhere Over the Rainbow.” Her other grandparents gave her purple butterfly wings with a matching skirt and hair ribbing. Ethne felt pretty, she felt special, she felt pretty special!

Having a sibling will be quite an adjustment. There were eleven adults present for her pancake dinner. Each one totally focused on her, singing to her, celebrating her. In one sense this is how the Lord loves us, totally, individually, with undivided attention. He is my Father--but He is also yours. His love is not diminished in the giving and I don’t think a parent’s love lessens as more babies come. I think love grows when we give it. Each time we reach out to express love more springs up in our hearts. Maybe that’s why it’s more blessed to give than to receive because when we give, God’s is shoveling twice as much into our storehouse.

Ethne understands many things, some she can’t express verbally. She’s been whacking her baby doll lately. Hits, kicks, punches, that dolls has even been thrown through the air. Each time she picks her up hugs and pats her saying, “Poor baby, poor baby.” I’m glad she’s getting these uneasy feelings about the upcoming intrusion out of her system and pretty soon here we’ll start the training. “It’s okay to hit you doll, but we never kick or hurt the new baby.” “You’re the big sister and it’s your job to help mommy and daddy take good care of the new baby.”

I hope you enjoy these pictures of our pretty special granddaughter. She’s not our only grandchild, but she is the topic of the most blogs since she right here, involved in our lives. Another, “that’s like Jesus” thought—the closer we are to Jesus, the more time we spend enjoying Him and being with Him the more often He comes up in our thoughts, in our speech and in our blogs! Love and blessings, GrammySue

Reflections on returning HOME

Reflections!

Of all the memories, I think that taste is perhaps one of the strongest. When I think of San Diego my mouth waters for the Coconut Cream pie from the College Restaurant, but it’s no longer in business. Also, when the kids were little and Craig and I managed a date night we’d pick up burritos at El Indio’s and go up to Mission Park to eat them. The view from there is fabulous and I remember exactly the wonderful taste of those yummy burritos. Recently, on a trip to San Diego, we stopped by El Indio’s, which instead of going out of business has expanded and even added a parking lot across the street. When we went inside, the smells seemed familiar, but still I had my doubts, after all it’s been nearly 30 years. But all doubts vanished when I took that first bite. It tasted exactly as I remembered. With each bite I remarked about this fact, because although I had hoped and longed and wished, I wasn’t sure it could ever be as good as I remembered it to be.

Will the smell of heaven be familiar? When we see the light and hear God’s voice will we suddenly remember what is was like before time began or do our memories only start at our birth in this world? Somehow I think we have a slight knowing of something before and beyond—it’s like a whisper in our soul. When I ‘came to Jesus,’ it was like turning around and understanding that He’d always been there right behind me with His arms wrapped around me, just waiting for the moment when I’d turn and return His embrace. He’s never let me go. It is a safe place. It is home. It is where I belong. And when I leave this temporary world I will be returning to a place I know, where my Father lives. So, I think that maybe the sights, smells, tastes, sounds and feelings will not seem strange or even surprising, but cozy and welcoming and just like returning home again.

( Today I watched Ethne. She loves Edamame (frozen soybeans you cook and then pop out of the pod). She spread a tablecloth out on the carpet so she could eat her beans in the same room where I was working on the computer.

Today I went to the gym early, so early that I didn’t really wake up until half way through my workout. I’m very laid back and don’t see much need to push myself, so on the elliptical trainer I usually set the resistance level at 2 or 3. Today I choose a pre-set cross-country program and quickly realized it was not my normal routine. The resistance level varied from a low of about 6 to a high of 16. I did the same distance as usual but I worked a lot harder.

I thought about how faith is like that, at times walking by faith doesn’t seem to take much effort. But life isn’t constant, it changes and each new challenge requires us to exercise our faith a bit more. Climbing those hills seems impossible but somehow we manage it even if we go slow and sweat a lot in the process. Faith is actually strengthen when times demand a lot of us, and we often learn we are stronger than we realized, or at least, able to endure more. By the end of my workout the resistance level of 6 seemed easy to me. Funny I had never even tried to go past 3 before, never even been tempted, but now I know that 3 is really too easy for me and 6 has got to be my new easy level.

I really do want to grow in faith and mature as a Christian, but I don’t often plan a course of action that will force me to gain strength, don’t often put myself into demanding situations. I’m at the point of considering one now. Tomorrow I am going to training to be a ‘Marriage Educator’ a person trained to teach The Six Building Blocks of A Healthy Marriage to couples in our community. It’s a big stretch for me, a harder climb. It’s reaching beyond my comfort zone. I’m just praying that the Lord will enable me to be stronger than I think I am and that marriages will be enriched through this program.

(Here is Ethne with her daddy.)

DUCKS WERE MADE TO FLY

As Craig I finished our walk we saw a young duck on the sidewalk in front of us. The small bird was waddling furiously—flapping its wings in an attempt to get off the ground. Instead of rising, the small creature stumbled forward. The momentum failed to lift him, and instead propelled him forward, skidding across the uneven surface of cement. It was painful to witness and couldn’t have been much fun to experience. Once the young bird came to a stop it waddled awkwardly off the sidewalk into the parking lot, where it found shelter behind the tire of a nearby parked car.

I’m still worried about that poor little thing because ducks don’t belong under cars. I know about ducks. They fly. They’re made to fly and that little guy will succeed, he will fly one day, he just needs to try again. Oh, I hope he doesn’t give up!

Have you ever felt like that little duck, skidding along the sidewalk when you really wanted to soar? Have you dreamed of lifting off and instead failed? I often feel this way about writing. Wanting to communicate is a deep passion but so often I’m insecure and what I try to do doesn’t quite measure up. I know that in Christ I am equipped for everything—any thing—all things, but sometimes I feel like hiding in a safe place where I won’t get hurt. The running is hard work and trying to get off the ground can be humiliating and painful. I trip up, stumble, and fall flat on my face. Still, the wind keeps beckoning me upward and I long to spread my wings and go on to new heights to places where the view is fresh and spectacular and I am flying freely.

“Oh, little duckling, if you can hear me thinking of you, listen. You can do it, I know you can. You may feel like you will never fly, but you will. Just don’t give up. Try again. Come on little friend, I know you can do it. You were made for this, don’t settle for hiding next to a tire when you were created for the heavens.”

ARE YOU CONVINCED?

My heart is bursting, overflowing, ready to explode with the wonder of God loving me. Our Bible study for today was cancelled since El Paso schools had a late opening due to snow. (Yes, this time it’s real snow, see above picture. It melted by noon, but it was here, really).

Back to the bursting heart—I have a question. Are you convinced? Absolutely certain, in every fiber of your being, that the Lord God Most High loves you? Not in a casual sort of way, like, “I love chocolate, and rainbows and presents.” But in a commitment, non-ending way of I chose you. I adore you. You are the one. Your best interest is my highest concern. You are mine and I am yours. A bridegroom delighting in his bride! He’s in love with you! He is interested in everything that interests you.

He thinks about you all of the time. In fact, His thoughts about you and what pertains to you outnumber the grains of sand. Think sea shore; now add all the beaches, and ocean beds, and deserts all over the earth. More than all that sand, He’s thinking of you right now. I wonder if He’s just waiting for us to believe this? It’s true. And if we will believe it, if we are convinced of it every moment, every day—it will change our lives!

I believe this truth, but still I need to be reminded. Thoughts and situations tempt me to forget. I don’t totally forget, but I temporarily don’t remember. I think if I awoke very single morning and just remembered who I am, that I belong to Jesus and all that concerns me concerns Him, I could do anything, face every situation, and respond to life in faith.

My granddaughter is here on Tuesday afternoons. Before her nap I read her a story and sing her a song. I bet it’s one you know by heart and have known since you were young. So simple. So true. Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so. . .yes, Jesus loves me! Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves me, the Bible tells me so. Maybe if that became my morning song, I’d remember.

It would remind me that the Father demonstrated His love to me, by calling me and choosing me and sending Jesus to redeem me. And that Jesus proved His love for me by willing giving His life for my sins and is now praying for me. The Holy Spirit shows His love for me by living in me, teaching me, guiding me, comforting me, correcting me and praying for me according to God’s will. Three in One—all totally and faithfully involved with loving and caring for me (among many other important activities). That’s amazing. That’s love. Wow.

A Balanced World

Ethne doesn't look too happy about the news that delighted us!

A Balanced World

In our world there are many different types of people. Today we’ll consider two. Those who are logical, who look at the facts and think about how things relate and what that might mean. I call these folks the smarties. My husband is a smartie and just to keep thing in balance, so the world isn’t too lopsided, there are folks like me. We float through life thinking creatively about everything but the task in which we’re involved. Now, if you let it , which ever kind of person that you are not can drive you nuts. Thankfully Craig loves me and hugs me and says I cute when I act—opposite of him. The non-smarties bring a lot of joy into the world because they do things that make others shake their heads and snicker.

Like the city officials of El Paso. True, Texas has been blasted with severe ice storms and the result has been deadly accidents. But on Thursday afternoon, with the forecast of snow, and a clear sky, the announcement was made that all schools would be cancelled for Friday. Government workers also got a snow day. The thing is, it didn’t snow. Not on Friday or Saturday. This reminds me of what Jesus said about those who will respond to a weather forecast but refuse to look at world events and prepare for eternity.

Next, I’ll tell a tale on myself. Unfortunately this really happened. My mom was the one to inform us about the news report that the schools and government offices would be closed. Then she added, “Only the trash will be picked up like always.” I heard this and so the next morning I got up early and took the trash can out to the curb. I wondered why I was the only one on the street to remember trash day. I also wondered why there was only one bag in our trash can when it’s often overflowing. I even thought, “How did we manage that?” I took it as a blessing and added some cardboard which was in the garage. Thankfully, my mom saw the lone green trash can sitting at our curb and mentioned that it was Friday and our trash day is Tuesday. It was replaced before Craig could see what I’d done. (but he does read this blog.)

Today was my mom’s turn. Early she announced that she was taking the Split Pea soup out of the freezer to eat for dinner, saying it would go perfectly with the cornbread leftover from yesterday. So, near dinner time, I poured some of the defrosted green liquid into a bowl thinking, It sure does smell spicy! I didn’t eat mine right away, but my mom heated up a bowlful and took it to her room. Later she came downstairs asking me if I’d done something different to the soup. “No, I just froze it.”

“You didn’t add chili or something?”

“No, but it did smell spicy.”

“I ate it but I had to eat two pieces of cornbread just to swallow it.”

“There was no label on the container?”

“No, but it sure looked like split-pea soup.”

“Yeah.”

When I got around to tasting mine it only took one little sip to realize that the thick green liquid was not soup. I went up to inform my mom that she might be spending some extra time in the bathroom.

“Why,” she said.

“You just ate a bowl of green enchilada sauce.”

MORAL: Never eat frozen green stuff if it smells spicy and isn’t labeled.

Welcome! Go away!

(Here is a picture Ethne's dad took of her eating breakfast)

Last night we watched Ethne while her parents went out. When we arrived, Ethne was on the rug playing with tiny hard candy pieces shaped like pacifiers which her mom brought home from a baby shower. Ehtne didn’t know they were candy, to her they were just brightly colored little toys.

As soon as we walked in, she called out, “Hi Grammy! Hi Granddad!” From the sound of it, she was really happy to see us. She seemed pleased we were there.

We joined her on the rug, but when Craig reached out to pick up one of the candy pacifiers, Ethne scowled at him. “No Granddad. Go away. I play with toys.” He was no longer welcome. Her joy at his presence faded as soon as he reached for something she didn’t want to share.

A picture of us with God. Most of us like Him at a distance. In fact His being a part of our lives may even make us happy. But what about when He wants to touch the things we play with, or be involved in our pastimes? Has He overstepped the boundary into our personal desires?

This is a hard one for me, because I don’t often clearly see what I’m withholding from Him. I’m not aware of the boundaries I’ve erected to keep my lifestyle and pleasures at a safe distance from His direct involvement. But somehow, somewhere, in the deep places of my heart I feel that these invisible fences keep me from fully knowing Him.

Oh yes, He knows me fully and the toys that I consider ‘mine’—the attitudes and activities that I refuse to share with Him. He sees those things that have put distance between us. But, I don’t want that kind of relationship. One where I say, “Hello, Jesus! Welcome.” Then in the next breathe, “No, Jesus. Go away. You can’t touch this area, this pleasure, this toy in my life.”

“Oh Lord, All Seeing, All Knowing One, I want to surrender all, everything! To share all with You, to give all to You. Help me to see those things that I desire and enjoy and hold on to that are keeping You from possessing all my mind, heart, soul and strength. Amen.”

Lessons from a 2 year old

(Here is Ethne who will be 2 next month, but she's already acting the part.)

No one had to tell Ethne about the terrible twos. She instinctively went from ready-to-please, to please-myself overnight. I’d blame this on the first onslaught of female hormones except I remember my boys we’re just as independent beyond their experience as my girls. With Ethne this is showing itself in declarations of, “I don’t want to,” and “No.” Make that, “No!”

This urge to be independent is good and bad. We don’t want children who are still clinging to us when they should be clinging to a soul mate. Still, on a Spiritual level, there is really no such independence. Interdependence with others of faith and total dependence on Jesus is the only way to true freedom for those of us who are bond slaves to the Perfect Master.

But this means, dying to myself. Here I am again, thinking of what it means to take up my cross. Not to wade miserably through life, bearing a mantle of self-pity, sorrow or suffering, but crucifying self and selfish desires every day. This is my cross, to say ‘no ‘to self. This is the same self that first emerged about the time I turned two and has been demanding her own way ever since.

This requires admitting and remembering that without Him I am nothing. It sounds simple and I think my mind has agreed with this vague image for many years. Now I’m discovering how desperate this makes me. Not only knowing I can’t do anything alone, but continually going to the Source of my strength. Taking the time to be fed of Him, to eat my daily bread, to be nourished so I can face the next moment. It’s knowing that I can not breathe without Him. I can not obey without Him. I can not walk in the Spirit unless He enables me. So maybe being a mature Christian is more like an embryo than a strong individual. More like dust than like gold. More like Jesus than like me.

Forgotten Pain

Craig and I enjoyting the sunset.

I’m in pain. It’s my own fault—I went to Yoga. My daughter, Aimee, taught the class and I wavered between feeling satisfied that the investment we made in her college tuition is paying off and wondering if she has some deep seeded animosity toward me. Come to think of it, she did have a pleasant expression on her face, a small innocent smile.

She said we had to keep our shoulders open and our hips even, on the same plane. “Like you’re pressing against a wall.” Keeping my hips even and my shoulders open is a challenge even when I’m sitting in a chair or walking through Target, but just how do you keep anything even when your legs are straddled, your toes spread, one leg bent, the other straight, looking up, bending sidewise, while breathing in and out through the nose to make the sound of “Haaaa?”

Special breathing techniques always remind me of labor. And the pain I’m feeling this evening also takes me back to those four vivid life-changing events. I’ve always thought it was interesting that while pain can be acute, once it’s over you can’t reproduce it through memory. I can recall the pain of labor. I know it was the hardest work I’ve even done and I know it hurt. But, thinking about giving birth doesn’t make the pain manifest itself here and now. Isn’t that good? Isn’t God good?

Come to think of it, every type of pain I’ve ever experienced has passed. Some emotional pain required me letting it go, offering forgiveness before the sting disappeared. Well, I never really intended for my blog to be a whining place but today it is. Guess it’s time to go and soak my sore muscles in a hot tub, “Ahaaa. . .”

I can't do it!

Here is a picture of Sara and Mike’s children, Cameron and Kayla. (I think every Grandparent needs a blog so they can post pictures)

Last night I decided to put together a wooden file cabinet which I’d purchased. The directions said that all I needed was a Phillips head screwdriver. I got my husband’s electric screwdriver and proceeded to strip the screws as I tried to force them into the predrilled holes.

Thankfully I asked for help before I’d done irreparable damage. Thankfully the men in my life are very kind. They did not yell or belittle me but quietly took over and completed the job.

My son Eric said, “The main problem is that you don’t have the right size of screwdriver.” I didn’t even know screwdrivers came in different sizes, the direction didn’t mention this vital piece of information.

My husband Craig hugged me. “This just proves that you need me. I need you, too,” he whispered.

I hugged him back. “Sorry. I was only trying to be self-sufficient.”

As the words of this confession left my mouth, understanding filled my soul. I’ve been trying to be self-sufficient in my Spiritual life. But I can’t do things alone, in fact I can’t do anything in and of myself.

I want to live my life to honor Jesus but I'm just not sure how to do it. So I’ve been trying to figure out the formula. For a long time I thought that I needed more self-discipline, a new schedule, strict obedience—no more excuses. If I would just do what I’m supposed to do, everything would be fine. But those words reminded me of His words, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” (John 15:5)

Nothing, Lord? You mean I can’t even obey you unless I abide in You and You give me the ability? So, I’m brought back to the simple truth that my job is to be loved by the Lord, everyday to be loved and to love Him back—simply abide in His love. All real life flows from that well spring, all obedience, all joy. No room or need for self-sufficiency, just coming each day knowing that I can’t do it on my own and opening up my heart to be filled.

Snow and other amazing things

It really snowed here today—great big juicy flakes, floating down through a grey malnourished sky. Craig was home after a short day of surgery and we had a fire going. We both think it would be wonderful if he could keep earning what he makes without having to work!

I took the ornaments off the tree, but that’s all I’ve done as far as putting away Christmas decorations. I have to mentally prepare myself since it requires two full days of work which includes a lot of climbing up and down on our 16 foot ladder and bending low to get in and out of our storage area.

Besides having snow, another amazing occurrence is that I’ve finally begun to rewrite my novel. I’m using a workbook by Donald Maass title, Writing the Breakout Novel. I’m hoping it will help me to stay focused and improve this story.

Writing is fun, but it is also very hard work and I’m too good at avoiding it. But it’s a new year and so I’m making a new start. In a few weeks, if you want to, you can politely ask me how I’m doing. I’ve given you permission to keep me accountable and that is hard for me to do, but there it is, if you want to ask, go ahead.

I’m having fun helping Amy and Eric as they begin to plan their wedding. We found some gorgeous gold plates to use as the centerpieces on the tables at the reception. The other morning I awoke very early with my mind is full of wedding ideas and finally had to get up and find a notebook to record all the thoughts.

Someone who loves me.

(Ethne sharing her new bracelets with me, but they are too tight for Grammy)

I feel like a tight knob has been loosened, something discarded has been recovered; a big black mark has been erased. It might seem a bit melodramatic to you but not to me. You see, I awoke this morning wondering where I put the gift cards we’d received for Christmas. I tried to remember and all I could come up with was that I had thought about moving them to the counter, away from all the used wrapping paper, ribbons and trash bags. But when I looked, they were not there.

I searched in a lot of places. I strained to remember. I spent a good deal of time trying to figure out where they were and finally determined that I must have thrown them out in today’s trash! Then I began dwelling on how careless I’d been, how stupid. I fretted and fumed and felt like a big jerk. As soon as I thought one of these negative thoughts another one waited for me and rushed in with more force and venom than the first. Ugh. Even though our Christmas day had been marvelous and blessed from beginning to end, I had managed to blunder and ruin an otherwise perfect memory.

I battled these accusations—while admitting my fault; I assured myself that things could be much worse. One of my loved ones could be sick. I shouldn’t waste anymore time stewing over what I could not change. I reasoned that in all of eternity this was a small mishap, an accident, a mistake. Besides, the gifts cards simply represented stuff and we have a ton of stuff and stuff is going to pass away. Thankfully, these thoughts prevailed at last, and while I still felt foolish and careless I forgave myself for my mistake and went on enjoying my day.

When Craig came home I blurted out my error, “I accidentally threw away our gift cards.”

“No you didn’t,” he said. “I found them on the counter and put them up here with our other ones. I didn’t want them to be thrown out.”

“All of them?” I grabbed the cards and sure enough, they were all there. I jumped up and down making happy noises and gave Craig a great big smooch.

It’s wonderful to be given a second chance, to have a mistake erased, to be rescued. I love the way I felt when I discovered that I really wasn’t stupid and careless, and that someone who love me was looking out for me.

One day, I’m sure; we will know this in much deeper and wider ways when we see Jesus with His eyes full of acceptance. He will not bring up all our faults, in fact He won’t remember them at all. He’ll simply hand us the key to the mansion He’s prepared for us and welcome us home. And when He does I’ll jump up and down and sing praises forever, because Someone who loves me was always watching out for me.

Let the children come!

Here is Ethne playing (I mean cooking) with the kitchen set we gave her for Christmas. It's called the 'Grow With Me' kitchen, it can be adjusted, to a taller level as the child grows.















(Here is our anunal Christmas line up with Eric, Aimee & Ethne, Robert, Amy, me and my mom)

Hope you had a wonderful time celebrating Christ’s birth! We did. A favorite family tradition we share centers around ornaments. Each year we gave each of our children a specially selected ornament which represented something significant to them. It might be an event, such as high school graduation or an activity they enjoyed, like skydiving. Anyway, by the time each of our children reached adulthood, they had a collection of ornaments to take along with them when they married.

Today I packed up Eric’s ornaments. I would feel really sad about this, except for the fact that I added two new ornaments to honor the birth of two more grandchildren (Caleb and Kayla) in 2006. And next Christmas we’ll be hanging up a ‘Baby’s First Christmas’ in honor of the new little one that Aimee and Robert are expecting in July 2007.

Since Aimee’s due date is July 8, we’re grateful Eric and Amy moved their wedding date from July 7 to April 7! Whew. Weddings and births are perhaps the most significant events in life and to have both happen on the same day would have been very challenging!

So, today I am thankful that we will soon have half a dozen grandchildren and a new daughter-in-law as well. 2007 is already looking like a year to remember! Blessings to all of you, Sue

Cameron Christmas Letter

Today I finally sent our Christmas letter. For those of you who won't find one it your snail mail, here it is! I always includ a devotional, reflection or story. So that will be the next post! (I've changed my mind about this, since once a story has been on my blog, I can't sell it else where, sorry. I'd be happy to share it one-on-one just let me know your email address and I'll send it).
Blessings to all, Sue

From L-R, My mom, Aimee, Mike (holding Kayla in front of his face,) Sara, Me, Craig, Eric, Amy, Joshua and Shauna.

Cameron’s Christmas Letter - 2006

From now on, in our family, when some one asks for Dr. Cameron, we’ll respond, “Which one?” Dr. Joshua Cameron has earned his PhD and we are very proud of him and rejoicing with him and Shauna in his appointment as a professor at Norte Dame. Our son has a job! Shauna’s year was also very productive; she gave birth to their second son, Caleb Joshua, born February 6, 2006. Benjamin, nearly five years old, is a very attentive big brother. Besides a new baby, Josh and Shauna bought their first home. We like this house; it has room for grandparents.

Our fifth grandbaby arrived June 28. Kayla Rose Casnellie was born to Sara and Michael much to the delight of her older brother, Cameron. Sara is very busy with the two little ones, involved in church and neighborhood activities, giving manicures to her friends and making sure Michael has enough to eat. They’re happy in Kentucky and Mike’s job situation working as a Spine Surgeon is the envy of many, including Craig.

Aimee and Robert also bought their first home this year. Robert continues to excel as a copywriter. To enjoy the way he connects words take a look at his blog: www.wordwriter.blogspot.com. (If you click on the tab that says “Flickr” you’ll see samples of Robert’s photography, click on “the little bean” to see pictures of our granddaughter, Ethne, or click on “mother-in-law” to get to my blog.)

Aimee is teaching in a dance program in public schools, working as an instructor at the gym, and teaching the home-school kids at our weekly Bible study. Plus, she takes care of the details for their part-time business, Robert Fuel Photography. They are becoming experts at preserving beautiful wedding memories which is a blessing to many, including us, because Eric is getting married April 7!

Our youngest has found his soul mate. He met Amy Belvins about a year ago while touring with Wycliffe Dinner Theater. They are a good match and we believe the Lord has heard and answered our prayers in bringing her to Eric. Amy has a Theater degree and hopes to pursue a Masters in Fine Arts. Meanwhile, she has used her gifts at our church, first during VBS and now for the Christmas musical, serving as stage manager. She’s lived with us since May and that’s been wonderful. Currently she works at Starbucks and we all benefit from the free products she brings home. According to Eric the first thing that attracted him to Amy was her beautiful strawberry-blond hair; we like it too and have visions of red-haired grandchildren dancing in our heads.

For now, Eric is working at the Hoover factory in the supply department, driving a fork-lift. He’s not crazy about the job but the pay and benefits are decent. He’ll be going back to college after Christmas with plans to attend NMSU in the fall to pursue a degree in film. The university has been funded to begin a film department with hands-on training in film production which will include some training in film acting. Potentially this will give Eric the means to earn a living while pursuing his love for acting.

Thinking of Eric acting reminds me of a wonderful memory. I turned 50 in October and so Craig treated me and all our kids and their spouses (Amy and my mother too) to an Eastern Caribbean cruise. Besides the fabulous food (our kids ate as much as three appetizers and two entrées each night, saying “Mom, we just want you to get your money’s worth”) there was a karaoke contest. Mike, Sara’s husband, who is

usually very quiet, shocked us by signing up to sing a song the first night. Eric joined him, and over several evenings survived the competitions to be chosen as 1 of 3 finalists. Our family had a blast cheering for Eric.

The event gained in popularity and the final competition was held in a large auditorium with an audience of about 700. Eric’s choice of songs and stage presence was outstanding—once he even came down off the stage to sing directly to Amy, presenting her with a flower and a kiss. Little old ladies (besides me) came up to Eric saying, “When you smile you look like Tom Cruise!” And fellow passengers would greet Craig and I with, “You’re Eric’s parents—right?” It made a wonderful trip even more fun and I am thankful for such a 50^th birthday celebration!

I recently figured out that I’ve flown 12 times in the last year! One reason is because we are now co-owners with two others of a Bonanza (small airplane.) This has been a long held dream for Craig who loves to fly (and I love to sit by his side.) Getting to San Diego is so much easier now and we were able to spend Thanksgiving with Craig’s family. It was the first time in many years that all the siblings were together and we really were blessed.

In July, Craig and I went on a mission trip to Scotland with about 15 others from our church. Then I joined Pastor Scott Johnson and his wife Becky in traveling to India. Both trips were meaningful and I pray that the folks there were as blessed by our presence as we were to be with them.

Last year I was honored to be asked to be an assignment writer for “Focus on the Family Magazine,” which means that from time to time, I’m one of many writers asked to write on specific topics. See the February 2007 issue for an article on wedding vows.

As our family grows, our blessings increase. We are humbled by God’s goodness to us and grateful that He is who He is and that He loved us enough to come and live among us! A very blessed Christmas to you and yours! Love, The Camerons

Water in the dry place

(This picture is of the young woman who plays Mary in the Nativity Story. It is an outstanding movie which my husband and I really enjoyed. Also see comments by my friend Jim Watkins of his blog. )

Recently a friend shared about the pain of infertility. While I’ve never faced this struggle I know what it is to feel barren. Lifeless. Unfruitful. Dried up. Washed out. Nothing to offer. Nothing to give.

I started life as a premature infant, weighing about 2 ½ pounds. Things change. I grew. I gained weight, quite a bit, but that’s another topic. After such a fragile beginning, I am truly grateful to have reached my 50^th birthday. However, I discovered that celebrating my birthday in a big way (see earlier posts about my birthday cruise), didn’t erase or even ease the process of feeling older.

I’ve learned thoughts come before feelings so I started to analyze what kind of thoughts were making me feel barren. It took a while to identify the subtle whispers of, “Am I past my prime?” “I’m not young and strong anymore, how can I be effective?” “Who wants to listen to an old lady?” “Did I miss my opportunities to make an impact?” “Are my best years gone?” “Am I of any more use?”

Maybe you’re rolling your eyes because this all sounds very melodramatic, but maybe you’re not near menopause. My hormones feel thin at times, and so does my sleep. I am feeling the aging process and while I prefer it to the alternative I’m still not sure I like it much.

So, I’ve been feeling barren. Spiritually dry. Hard, cracked soil where my joy used to be. But the ladies at Bible study asked me to give a short reflection for our Christmas party. Actually, they informed me that I’d been assigned and said “That’s what you get for missing the planning meeting.” Hey, I was in India—but no matter, I decided to make preparations. But I was not prepared for God to meet me.

I’m glad He did. Right there in the familiar Christmas story which I’ve read or heard more than any other passage of Scripture. “Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be barren is in her sixth month. For nothing is impossible with God.” I added the emphasis because that is how it seemed when I read it.

“She who was said to be barren. . .” In and of herself Elizabeth was barren. Same with Mary, in and of herself she could have no child. All appearances pointed to the fact that these ladies were not in a position to be fruitful. But all the while God was at work. Silently, steadily, He loving brought each of these women to a place where they could offer nothing; add nothing to His wonderful plans. Nothing except, “I am the Lord’s servant.”

So all along, even when Elizabeth felt barren, God was working. While others shook their heads at her in pity because she was a barren woman, God was aware. When she despaired because the Lord did not answer her prayers for a child, He was there. He was preparing to bring forth His beautiful plan. He had not cast Elizabeth aside because she was old, through menopause and past her prime—not at all. She was chosen. She was honored. The most joyful years of her life lay ahead for her. Her feelings didn’t stop the Almighty! And this Word He spoke to me caused a wellspring of hope to burst on the dry places of my heart bringing me comfort, giving me joy. For, nothing is impossible with God.