uhmm, mums

I find it really easy to be generous—to myself. This is true when I’m shopping and see something that appeals to me. I can usually justify purchasing it, even if I never knew I wanted or needed it until I saw it. Mind you it has to be cheap enough, and if it is I often buy it. Sonic happy hour is also a lure to me. If it’s between 2-5 PM I can buy one small drink and they give me two! That’s hard to pass up. So, if I’m out and about at the right time, I figure I can spend money to indulge myself.

I also look with a bit of distain on those who are generous but only to those in their immediate family. But today I realized that this same tendency lives in me. And the immediate family member I enjoy lavishing is myself. Ugh. I don’t like seeing this or saying it. But, hey, I’m a blogger and so I journal on-line for any to see.

Mums. I volunteered to supply the table decorations for the WOW Bible Study introduction breakfast. No one made me do this, I just blurted out, “I’ll take care of the decorations.” I wanted to do this. It was my idea. I like to make things looks pretty. I did this last year also, and I think that was part of the my problem, last year I got to take home all of the potted flowers I’d purchased for the centerpieces. I planted them in my garden and enjoyed their color for a long time. Maybe I thought the same thing would happen this year. I could buy flowers to use for others enjoyment but in the end they would be planted in my garden. Generosity with a huge benefit. Win—win big.

This year I bought beautiful burgundy colored mums. Got them at a great price and figured nine would be enough. I watered them for days and carefully loaded them in my van and even brought along green checkered cloth napkins to place underneath each one in the center of the tables.

Jeanne asked me if the flowers could be given as door prizes, I didn’t even hesitate to say “yes.” Then, when she forgot to mention this to the ladies, I reminded her. The outcome was that all the mums, but one, were claimed. Then I found out that one of the gals forgot to take hers. I offered to bring it next Tuesday.

The thing is, I said the right things and did the right things but a part of me didn’t like it one bit. I mean some where inside I must have been hoping I’d go home with all nine of those gorgeous mums. Then that expectation was lowered and I figured one would look nice in my garden. Now I don’t have any.

Here’s the point. I offered to provided them. I wanted to share, but I also wanted some for myself. Fact is, I can easily buy more, this means I can afford to be generous. What bothers me is that it was so difficult for me to give them all away—freely. Yet this is precisely the way Jesus says to give, freely, joyfully, with a cheerful heart. “Lord, I’m sorry about the mums. I have more flowers than I need or have time to care for. I’m sorry my heart isn’t instantly generous with no thoughts of self. I want to be like you, joyfully generous! Please change me. Amen.”

P.S. To any of my WOW friend who may read this confession. Please do not bring me flowers (I mean it) that would take away the preciousness of the lesson God is trying to work into my soul—okay? But thanks for the generous thought.