another memory

Within a week or two of Robert going to heaven, while swimming with the girls, Ethne said, "Grammy, Jesus is here with us right now."
I smiled, "Yes, he is." The truth brought me comfort.
"And," she added, "Daddy is with Jesus. That means daddy is right here with us, too."
"That's true! And wonderful. I've never thought of it that way before. Who told you that?"
With a pure and special light in her eyes she said, " Jesus told me."
She swam off but I stayed montionless overwhelmed by the ways the Lord speaks to his children.

Things to remember

I don't want to be guilty of saying, "I need to write that down,"and then never do it. Today I am sitting in a hospital with my dad and his wife, Alice. Sadly, they discovered the reason that her abdomen was so swollen is because of ovarian cancer. This means they have many decisions to make and it means I have time to post to this blog after months of being absent.
We lost our dear Robert to testicular cancer. We lost him but he found eternal life and now knows all the mysteries of heaven and lives in the presence of our indescribable Lord.
I want to record some of the girl's comments.
Just a few evenings before Robert's passing, he and Aimee talked to the girl's about it. Aimee told me that Ethne began to cry and Emeline imitated her.
After a while, Ethne said, "Mom, can I speak to you in private?"
Aimee said, "Yes," and she and both girls went into the walk-in closet.
Five-year-old Ethne asked her mom, "Do you want to talk to me about my inheritance?"
"Well," Aimee answered, "Daddy is young and so there probably won't be an inheritance."
"Okay."
Then Em piped up, "Mommy, don't you want to talk to me about my... My...my...imagination?"
"Yes I do," Aimee said, "you have a very strong and active imagination."

 

 

 

 

I’ve often wondered why males and burping go together. My brother could proudly burp the entire alphabet and make unusual sounds using his hand and armpit. As our sons grew up they too possessed amazing ability when it came to these type of “musical” expressions.
Today I realized a possible reason,a simple explanation. I had just picked up Egan and began to pat his back when he responded with a large burp. My response? Praise! “Good boy! That was a great burp, Egan.” I smiled at him. He smiled at me. Humm.
So, the next time a male in your life displays such vocal ability and you secretly wonder why—remember that since his earliest days he has been praised by the women who love him for accomplishing such feats. And smile at him. Bet he’ll smile back.

Craig and I took the girls to an indoor swimming birthday party. It was a lot of fun.

Have you ever felt embarrassed to return to something after being gone for a long time? Like calling a friend after missing her birthday or going back to a weekly Bible Study after months of neglect? Well, if you have, you can relate to how I feel about coming back here after being away for such a long time. But, it is still my little corner after all, and even if the cobwebs need to be swept and the dust blown away, I am returning to this safe place.
Robert, Aimee and the three little ones moved back in with us a few weeks before Christmas. Each day I observe or experience situations that teach me something about our Heavenly Father.
Yesterday, Ethne said, “I can’t find any Washable Markers anywhere.”
“Did you look in the place where we keep them? In the laundry room, under the sink, in that box?”
“No.”
“Go see.” I followed her as she opened the box to retrieve a marker.
I felt pretty proud of myself for knowing where those markers were because I have been spending a large chunk of my life finding places for all the extra stuff five additional people (and Christmas) bring into a house. And while organizing isn’t intuitive for me I’ve been intent on arranging it all into manageable sizes and determined to remember where I put everything.
So, Ethne went off with the marker and I squatted down to replace the box when I noticed that every single marker one was topless. It’s certainly was not as obscene as it sounds but for me it was pretty shocking. All the pens I’d carefully capped, sorted and arranged where left to dry out. I dumped the box and muttered silently. Why don’t they keep things in order after I’ve gone to all the trouble to sort it all out? All I do is pick up. I’m getting tired of always cleaning up their messes.
That’s when I knew the truth. For fifty-three years, God has been cleaning up my messes. Maybe I’ve improved in some small ways, but over all, it’s the same attitudes, choices, and struggles, over and over and over again. It’s easy for me to make messes and most the time it’s not on purpose and I’m unaware of what I’m doing. And He—He deals with it, because it’s my mess and I’m His. He’s my Father and what involves me concerns Him. He doesn’t ever get tired of having to take care of me and my stuff. I’m very thankful for this and will try to serve my loved ones the way He serves me.

Beauty in the fall

 

Generally there isn't much color in El Paso in the fall. I've just returned from Louisville,Ky and Burnet, Tx where leaves blazed in glorious gold, red and orange. Here at home, things are more subtle. But, if you take time to take notice you'll see the beauty, the touch of God's presence, His signature helping us to remember that He is in all things, even leaves falling from their trees. This is taken in our backyard, I saw these leaves in our waterfall this morning.

The Voice

(Pictures taken on the hike we took for my birthday, Dripping Springs.)

Rushing through the mall on the way to the parking lot, I noticed a small boy, about 4-years-old. He held a gigantic tube filled with red, blue, yellow and green bubblegum balls. He looked worried and his voice sounded scared when he said, “Mommy? Mommy, where are you?”

I leaned down. “If you can’t find your mommy, I know someone who can help.” I took the lead and headed for a near-by cashier. “They will call your mother over the intercom. Whenever you get lost you can ask one of the people who work in the store to help you.”

The man behind the counter turned toward us. “This man works here,” I explained, “you see the tag he wears around his neck.”

The child nodded.

I explained, “This little boy is lost. Will you please call his mother?”

The child peeked at the clerk from behind the Bubblegum tube.

“What’s your name?” the man asked.

I leaned in, trying to hear the whisper. The boy seemed unsure and shy as he mumbled.

“Peter?” I asked.

That’s when I heard a strange sound, like a whistle or bird call.

The boy’s eyes lit up. “I heard my dad!”

The sound came again and the boy turned. I saw a large man step out from the racks of clothes that were near-by. “Come here, you Rascal,” he said to the boy. And the child ran happily to his father.

Jesus said that His sheep know His voice and won’t follow a stranger. Of all the voices, mine and the store clerk, the one that brought comfort and joy to that child was the voice he knew, his daddy’s voice. Whenever we feel confused, or lost, we only need to tune our hearts to listen for the voice of our Shepherd, our Abba Father to know that all He is near by and there is no need to fear.

Leaves of Fire

Grandad put new batteries in Caleb's toothbrush and now it works? (Taken in July)
Ben and Caleb next to pink flowers (b/c Grammy asked them to pose)

It may surprise non-writers to know how insecure a writer can feel. It’s a constant battle of “who would want to read this anyway,” and “I have nothing valuable to say.” The problem is that type of thinking stops me from even trying and when I don’t write I am just miserable. So, I guess I should do it for my health and well being regardless of if there is an impact or not. . .

All that to leads up to this really good story (at least it was good for me.) I was just feeling like a big lug who should never try to write another story when we decided to SKYPE with our grandsons Ben and Caleb. It was pretty funny to watch them climb all over Josh while we talked.

Then Caleb, (who is three-years-old, and just over a bad case of the flu) said, “Grammy, what happened to the dragons in the forest?”

At first, the question confused me, and then I felt stunned because it’s been over 3 months since we’ve been together. “Did I tell you a story about dragons?”

Caleb nodded.

“Well,” I said, “it’s fall now and dragons love fall because one of their favorite things is to go out in the woods when the leaves are falling and dance all around. Then, they look up so they can watch the leaves floating down through the air. They like it so much they throw their heads back and laugh. But do you know what happens when dragons laugh?”

His big brown eyes were full of wonder. (I told you SKYPE is wonderful)

“Fire spurts out. And each leaf catches on fire and the sky is full of bits of fire like great big fireflies. But then all that’s left of the pretty fall leaves is ashes.”

Now, I tell you that little story, not because it’s fabulous but because when we talked to our grandsons, the thing Cable remembered about me was a story. Something I just made up and can’t even remember. In his own way, he reminded me that I am a story teller, and I’d better keep on keeping on because little people—I love—and maybe others too, might be listening and just waiting to see what happens next. Thank you Caleb. This blog is for you. Love, Grammy.

Scoop!

Emeline loves this food.

Robert and Aimee

This morning I am thinking of our precious ones battling cancer. Strange how it can be silently growing and taking over on the inside and not show on the outside.

Like sin. Each of us is dying, spiritually, because of the sin disease but often we ignore it and try to go on with life as if we're not infected.

Jesus came to take away sin, just like that--take it away. We just have to say, 'Yes, Lord, I want you to take my sin away."

Today, I am saying, "Yes, Lord, I want you to take Robert's cancer away." He might, He might not. I know He has heard my request (and countless others) I know He loves me and them. I know He knows all things and His thoughts and ways are higher than mine. I know I can trust Him with all things, including the paths He takes my children and grandchildren on.

The difference is that cancer has limited power. It can ravage the body but can never touch the spirit and since it is our spirit that lives forever, we need to be certain we have sought and received spiritual healing. That prayer, "forgive my sins,' is always answered 'yes, child.'

For an update, please see: http://robertfuel.com/fight/

And be sure to watch: Sunday with the Family (it is so precious)

Never Alone

For current pictures please see: http://www.flickr.com/photos/28186541@N07/

Tonight I tucked Ethne and Emeline into their beds, downstairs in Sara's home and climbed up two flights of stairs to my own room. Their, mommy, Aimee, is spending the night in the hospital with their daddy in Indianapolis (along with 3 week old Egan). 

It's hard to have them down there alone, but it is their room for now -- they share it with mommy and Egan all the others days. But on Wednesday, Aimee drives the two hours to be with Robert and then back again on Thursday morning. So, once a week, the girls sleep alone. I'm not too far away and neither is Uncle Mike or aunt Sara. Still-- it was really hard for me to leave them. I didn't want to but I did. I am having to do a lot I don't want to do, because our lives have been interrupted by cancer. 

Well, after putting the girls to bed, I waited a while before going down to  I went see if they were asleep. Ethne was, but Emeline (who had a nap today) was quietly resting in bed.

"Grammy?" she said.

"Yes?"

"I want my mommy."

It was such a simple statement. As if she were saying, "This is too hard for me. I'm only two." My heart broke for her. I think her want is legitimate, don't you? 

There are many things I want right now. Like for her mommy to be able to be with her girls and not having to drive two hours to sit with her husband as he gets chemo. For the cancer to be gone and for Robert to be well again. For their family to be in their own home and the girls in their own beds. For this trial to be over. For these grandchildren of ours to have a normal life again.

The only reason I am not going to go down there and sleep in their mommy's bed tonight is because of the words I read this morning. Words I believe. "I can never escape from our Spirit! I can never get away from our presence!" Ps. 139:7. My precious little grand-daughters are not alone. The Lord is with them. He is their shield, their shelter, their defender, their Heavenly Father, watching out for them tonight. And all the rest of us. We are not alone either as we walk through this valley of the shadow of death, He is with us and so we fear no evil.  (Ps. 23)

Please uphold us in your prayers as the Lord brings us to mind, especially the girls. Thanks. 

Photo Update

This is just a short update by way of photos.
Aimee gave birth to Egan on Aug. 26.
The next day we took her two girls with us to our Lodge where we met with Craig's siblings to celebrate his parents 60th anniversary.
Came home and the girls met their baby brother.
Please keep their daddy, Robert, in your prayers and he receives treatment for cancer.
Aimee, the kids and I are flying out to Indianapolis next week to see Robert. Then on to Sara's house so Aimee will be near-by during Robert's treatments.
Thanks you for your concern and prayers.
sue

The Gift

We met with my sister, her family and my brother and his wife to celebrate our father’s 80th birthday. We have not all been together for his birthday in over 30 years—so it was very special.
I was once asked, (it may have been in a psychology class), to write down a saying that I heard my father repeat as I grew up. Here’s mine, “This is America, you can do what you want.”
Dad used to say this when I was a teen and asked his permission to go somewhere or to do something. Dad even repeated this phrase this weekend, so I know he really believes it. I’ve just decided that his often repeated statement is true—but only half-true. Does that make it a lie?
The other half needs to be spoken too. It is: every choice has a consequence. These consequences are either good or bad. It’s totally true that I have free will, and really it is God, not America, that granted each of us this freedom. I think it is a blessing and it is also a curse, because so often what we want to do isn’t good for us. I’m really not questioning God’s wisdom in giving us freewill, I am just evaluating the consequences of having freewill and a sinful nature.
Proverbs 15:32 says, “If you reject discipline, you only harm yourself; but if you listen to correction, you grow in understanding.”
So, if I only do what I want, or feel like doing, like over-eating and not exercising or being lazy, I am rejecting discipline and harming myself. This is hard for me right now. Life is full of challenges with Robert’s illness, Aimee’s due date approaching and the little ones living here. I find myself not even trying or wanting to resist eating all the sweets people are bringing over. But I won’t like the consequences.
For years I’ve struggled to grasp this concept and take it to heart and put into practice. Here is a poem I wrote when my children were young.

THE GIFT
God has given me freedom.
I can decide
If I’ll face a challenge
With joy
And conquer it
With faith.

I can choose
Who to follow,
Who to lead,
Who to love.

I can determine
If it’s worth my time,
If you’re worth the trouble—
Of if that’s worth the effort.

I can pick the words I write,
The things I read
The activities I ignore.

I’ve been created with freewill—
the power to choose. . . .
I have chosen Christ.
I have the privilege
To obey.


Love to you all. Sue

The Joy of Water

Grandchildren are the crowing glory of the aged; (Prov. 17:6)




Here is a clip of our crowing glory (these two are part fish)
enjoy!

Blessings,
sue

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=122385801883

Today I'm showing off some of our beautiful grandchildren.
In one, I'm holding Emeline. She and her sister are living here with their mom. From morning to night she narrates her life! "I woke up." "I'm brushing my teeth." "I'm swimming with Ethne."
She has also taken to adding 'pie' after names. She says, "Mommy-pie" whenever she refers to or calls her mom. "Ethne-pie" when she talking of her sister and tonight I even heard a "Grammy-pie" It's so sweet.

The other is a picture of Sara's three children who live in Ky. We saw them recently but already miss them!

We learned at church today that all through our lives and especially in our 'old age' we are to declare the Lord to the next generation. My grandchildren are a focus for me. I want to be sure to be declaring the Lord to each one of them for as many years as the Lord gives me.

We are His poem

I took these pictures of roses in my friend, Marsha's front yard. We've been friends since high school! She and her husband, Larry, live in Santa Barbara, CA.

Many of you know the great challenge facing our family at this time. Our dear son-in-law, Robert, married to our Aimee, has testicular cancer that was not eradicated during 3-months of chemo. During that time of treatment their girls, Ethne 4 and Emeline 2 lived with us. Tomorrow they are returning, with their mom, who is 8 months pregnant. Their daddy is facing 4 or 5 months of treatment to perform stem-cell transplants in Indianapolis. After the baby is born, Aimee will take the children to Louisville to live with her sister, Sara and family, in order to be within 2 hours Robert.

A friend sent a video based on Eph. 2:10. See it here http://www.tangle.com/view_video?viewkey=849dc7c803281df74bb2&sp=1 It ministered to me in a powerful way. But after thinking about it I’ve decided I don’t really agree with the interpretation.

The skit focused on the word, ‘workmanship, or masterpiece’ and it used the image of God fashioning our lives, as a Sculptor, with a chisel and hammer. I believe the Lord does change us into the image of Jesus, but I don’t think that this verse is referring to the process of cutting away, because the original meaning of the word ‘workmanship’ is actually poem.

Sculpting and writing have some similarities but they are two different processes. I think that sculpting is all about taking away, removing excess, bringing out the hidden treasure.

Writing a poem is more about putting in. Finding the perfect word, choosing carefully, intentionally, lovingly. Only the right words get in. The selection process is exact.

Now, think of the verse again, ‘we are His poem.’ Individually He created each of us with great skill and care. He fashioned us with a purpose and our lives express exactly what He has determined. Each and every word has meaning of its own and together, we form a worldwide poem by being who we were created to be.

So, today I am taking delight in how I am made. Instead of believing the lies of the evil one, who accuses me that I am stupid or lazy, I am deciding that God made me on purpose and I will declare His Authorship by being true to His design.

We are His workmanship

This is our two grandsons Ben and Caleb (holding up hot dogs wrapped in foil)
We are His workmanship

For the second time this year, the Lord has shown me something new about my life verse. This is amazing to me since I’ve meditated on this verse since my teenage years and believe me they were a long time ago.
So, here it is, “We are his workmanship created in Christ Jesus to do good works which he has preordained for us to walk in.” Eph. 2:10.
In an earlier Blog I talked about how I suddenly saw that the word ‘walk’ and realized that the good works God’s arranged for me to do are just like walking. They are everyday acts of service to my family and being polite in traffic and watching what I eat. Nothing flashy or noticed by others, just simple works of walking in faithfulness every single day.
Okay. Now, to this new one. It’s the words, ‘we’ and ‘us.’ I’ve always applied this verse to myself, to my life, my calling, my purpose. But the good works I’m called to walk in have to do with others. Me—relating to and working with and being a part of His body. Bringing my gifts to my sisters and brothers, local and worldwide. Being faithful in my connections, intentional in my relationships. He’s designed us to function together, to do His work side-by-side and hand-in-hand.
There is more. . . (continued on next post)

Take the Plunge

Pictures of our trip to CO.




I swam today. That shouldn’t be unusual since it’s been well over 100 degrees and I have a pool in my backyard. Still having a pool and plunging in are two different things.
When I went out back, the sound of a large wing moving through the air caught my attention. I looked up to see a hawk leaving my waterfall to perch in the shade on the back rock wall. I felt startled by his size and magnificence. He was a bit scary—big and powerful, wearing a ‘don’t mess with me’ expression.
I’m used to little birds, but was so thrilled to see this visitor that I slipped back inside to grab my camera. As I returned I heard the hawk’s call but only caught a glimpse as he soared away from my yard to circle in the sky. I wish I could post a picture here for you to see how he moved effortlessly through the hot summer air. But I missed the shot, so put down my camera and got into the pool.
I’m thinking about this experience. First, if I had not decided to go swimming, I would not have seen that bird, and it was right there in my yard for me to see and enjoy. Also, I would have missed the cool wonder of the water. I know I love swimming, and at this moment can’t imagine why I don’t indulge every single day. It’s good exercise, since I like to sing and dance in the water, and I really enjoy myself. All it takes is putting on a swimsuit.
Reminds me to another place that I don’t always take advantage of, where I find refreshment and joy. Surprises await me when I go into the presence of the Lord. Being with Him make the rest of the day easier. I gain strength and my soul is satisfied.
There is no excuse, since we each have a standing invitation. “Oh Lord, give us hearts that hunger for you, seek you and find their delight in your presence. Every day, Lord, every day, let me come to be with you.”

Good Works

PICTURES:
Emeline 'eating' a cookie. She simply licks off all the frosting.
Ethne used large scrapbook paper and cut it into strips and taped it up to decorate in preparation for her parents Easter visit. I was all her own idea and she accomplished it without my help.

I’ve been a Christ follower for nearly 40 years. Early on, I chose a life verse. Here it is: Ephesians 2:10 (New American Standard Bible) “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.”
I like it that I am His workmanship, makes me think of the Lord as an artist interacting with a beloved work (one that is in progress). The original word means ‘poem,’ so maybe I am, each of us, is a masterpiece of the Lord expressing Himself (creatively and precisely) through our lives.
I also really like that the Lord has prepared (beforehand) specific works for me. Not your works, my own. And so I don’t need to come up with my purpose in life or even for today, He’s already done the ground work, I just need to listen to Him and obey. I often thought of this regarding writing and how, when and what I’m ‘supposed’ to write.
Today, I saw something new. It’s been there all along, but I never really noticed it. It’s the part of the verse that says, “so that we would walk in them.” (Emphasis added).
Like a jolt I saw that the good works prepared just for me by God Himself are to be walked in. So maybe these are not the articles I publish, or novels I strive to write, or anything at all that has to do with the public or being ‘out there.’ Because out there doesn’t really reflect the way I spend most of my time.
Maybe these good works, loving prepared for me to walk in by my Creator, are the ordinary tasks of life. Like—walking around the neighborhood or cooking a meal for my husband, or being patient and merciful to my grandchildren. Noticing the store clerk or being kind when there is traffic. Speaking in gentle tones and encouraging those I love.
Walking is so ordinary. It’s taking one step after another every single day until we reach our final destination. (See my blog “The Daily Walk” for more thoughts on this topic).
This has changed the way I think about this verse. These good works are more likely to be the way I live my life, day in and day out, then what I did or didn’t do out in the public arena. Wow.
“Lord, help me to walk faithfully in the good works you’ve prepared for me. Right now, help me to be the best Grammy ever to these two precious girls living in our home. Amen."