Losing and Gaining

(Here's a new picture of Cameron and Kayla.)

After turning fifty, going on a cruise and eating my way through the Christmas season, I noticed that I'd outgrown my clothes. I love buying new outfits but not if they are a bigger size. Going to the gym wasn't helping (yes, I actually worked out--some).
So I decided to join Weight Watchers on-line. I felt real hunger pains and pity pains for the first five days. Then I weighed myself (two days early) and realized all my suffering and self-denial hadn’t resulted in any weight loss, not even half a pound!

I felt indignant; cheated! I expected my good deeds and self-sacrifice to pay off, quickly. I hadn’t eaten my chocolate cookies or snacked on the Mint Crispies Craig had given me for Valentine’s Day. I felt entitled to some results and encouragement in the form of losing some weight. When I didn’t get what I was expecting I just about gave up, more out of indignation than anything else. I’m used to congratulating myself on effort, even a little bit of effort. When I exercise, I don’t push myself, I rationalize, “At least I’m not sitting at home.” And with this diet I figured, “I’ve gone without chocolate for five days, some one ought to notice (someone besides me)!

My reaction was quite severe and I whined to several people about my lack of progress. I got very little pity, but I did get a lot of advice. Basically others told me, “Stick with it. It’s too early to expect results!” I felt like shouting, Too early? I don’t ever deny myself and it’s been five whole days. But I didn’t yell, instead I thought about their suggestions and realized I am a wimp. Really. Now you may have already reached this conclusion, but to me it was a revelation of sorts. I don’t know how to persevere, to work hard for a long time, to be patient and faithful and steady in the process of moving toward a goal. I think it’s time to grow up in this area.

We watched the movie Amazing Grace, this weekend. William Wilburforce is a great example of a person who did not give up and in the end his perseverance paid off for millions. But he was tempted to quit. God gave him strength to keep struggling in the battle to end slavery.

So, I didn’t stop limiting my caloric intake and I’m pleased to say that by day 7 I had actually seen the number on my scale drop. I intend to stay faithful at least until the wedding in an attempt to reach my goal.

I’m starting to think that this process really isn’t about losing weight but about gaining maturity.