Thoughts on India

AT CHURCH

In our host home.

In the darkness of the hours just before dawn the mournful call to prayer, coming from the pagan temple, would pull me from sleep. Slowly others sounds invaded the air, horns blaring, traffic noise even a lone water buffalo welcoming the new day. I became aware of sweeter sounds as those of the house hold splashed water, clanked pots and pans and joined in the singing the morning blessings. In every way the environment in India is different than what is familiar to me. Day and night are not clearly defined and people went about their business in the darkness and in the light.

For several nights, until my roommate, Marion arrived; I shared a room with three others. They all preferred to sleep on the floor while I slept (not very well) and a low wooden platform covered with a thin pad. After a few days my hosts brought in a new thicker pad and my nights became comfortable. When I awoke in the stillness of night to head for the most alien of all territories -- the Indian bathroom-- I had to carefully step around and over legs and heads while imagining the indignation that would arise if I missed.

So, about the bathroom, squatting is the method, and I learned quickly that the lower you squat the better. In the beginning, I often walked across the street to where Scott and Becky stayed in the guest room which has a western style toilet, sort of. I’d asked if the throne was vacant and was welcomed in. But soon I adjusted to the floor toilet. I’ve got to say that I am thankful to be home where I am enjoying the wonders and ease of my life. For everything, from washing hair to eating a meal is labor intensive in India and so life moves at a very busy yet uncomfortably slow pace. Hot water would arrive if requested but it may take an hour or more to show up, since someone had to first heat the water and then pour it into a bucket and carry it to me. Once I tried to help out by getting my own cup of hot water for tea, but my intrusion seemed to cause confusion and complicate an already challenging situation.

The smells where also distinctive with curry dominating. The air had it’s own order, a result of insanity conditions and habits, such as polluted streams and throwing trash on the ground. I couldn’t bring myself to do this, and always went hunting for a trash can. Once I watched a young man load a cardboard box with refuge and simply carry it across the street when he dumped it on the side of the road. What if the wind blows?

This lack of concern for the environment extends to the condition of the buildings and roads and extends to people. I think the lack of compassion for those suffering must stem from a belief system that is based on a lie that you are living today based on how good or bad you lived in your last life. Those who know Jesus must over come a great deal. The culturally accepted mindset that pervades is so opposite of what God says about each person being precious, valued and loved. And living a life that truly obeys Jesus by loving our neighbor is perhaps a greater challenge for our brothers and sisters in India. It is indeed supernatural in any environment. It is the work of the Holy Spirit as He pours His compassion for people out through us. But that is the very reason we went, to encourage the believers in God’s Word; to impart biblical truth to them, to strengthen their faith.

Being in their church was wonderful and convicting. It was not about comfort as the church met in an open room under a roof. Mats were rolled over the cement floor and those of us who were old or western were given plastic chairs. When a young man arrived by using his arms as crutches and swinging his useless legs, which were tucked beneath him, I began to weep. He removed a handkerchief from his pocket to wipe the sweat off his young face. That gesture showed me what it cost him to be there in the Lord’s house, and I asked myself about the dept or shallowness of my own desire to be with God’s people. To what lengths would I go to meet with fellow believers?

I think this is enough sharing today. Maybe it’s been more for me than for you, just so I have a record, of some of my thoughts. Blessings to all, Sue.

BACK FROM INDIA

Arriving, Pator Joel gives each of us a garland of flowers (Pastor Scott and his wife Becky)

.

People. That’s the reason I went to India and that’s what I’ll always remember. People. It’s the reason I came back home.

It’s good to be back and it was good to go. Today my new India friends called me to say they missed me. My husband says he missed me. Being missed is nice because it means there is a relationship and love.

My husband was in the hospital while I was gone. When I learned this it was really hard for me to be so far away. After all I vowed to be with him in sickness and health—and I wasn’t. The Lord carried us, but I am so thankful to be back here beside him. He says he feels better now, just because I’m home. I made breakfast for him this morning, this is very unusual it’s also proof that I missed him too.

So, my husband has hyper-thyroid, Graves disease. The good news is he’s lost weight, the bad news is I didn’t. Also, they’re killing off his thyroid and he’ll be on medicine, for the rest of his life. I’m thankful that there is treatment and that we can afford it.

There’s nothing like being away to make coming back wonderful. Will heaven be like that? Some days I long for that place. I wonder if when they check the book of life and see my name, if it will be like the customs agent looking at my passport and saying, “Welcome home.” Sweet words.

More details on India coming up next time.

More Pictures

Here I am, squinting in the sun, with sweet Kayla on the last day of our cruise

Here is Eric and Amy enjoying dinner (my mom in next to Eric)

This is Aimee and Robert going for their couple's massage.

Pictures and Thoughts

MORE PICTURES
Here is Josh and Shauna and Sara and Mike, preparing for their 'couple's massage.'


I really admire people who post on their blog every day. In fact I admire people who do most anything positive in a consistent manner. I find it easy to live life in a free flowing stream sort of way. Go where I am taken. I like to live like that but when I do I don't accomplish much.
I'm preparing to leave for India on Tuesday. I'm packed, I'm going, but I don't feel ready. How do you prepare for the unknown? Only one way I know. Simply climb into the loving hand of the Almighty and let Him carry you. That's what I've got to do. I'm unprepared, unqualified and unsure about why I've even traveling 36 hours and spending 2 weeks in a place I don't really want to visit.
It all stems from a promise I made. "Lord if I'm invited anywhere and if it's possible for me to go, I will go, believing you are the One directing my steps." Promises are powerful and breaking vows is a dangerous thing, more perilous than going to India for two weeks. So, my dear friends, if you read this, please say a pray that the Lord will be honored by my going. Thanks.

A Few Pictures

I'll be posting a few pictures of our cruise over the next few days. This is before we left Florida and a shot of our ship with Eric and Robert. Blessings to all, sue

My Favorite Birthday So Far

(Kayla and Grammy napping)

(Eric and the other 2 finalists)

We spent a wonderful week cruising, eating, and resting. I loved having all of our children (and children-in-law, and to-be) together in one place.

Do you remember what it was like to be young when someone offered to pay for your meal? Well, our kiddos wanted to be sure that Craig and I got our money’s worth by eating amazing amounts of the fabulous food that was always available.

Dinnertime was always exciting—as we watched to see who would order the most appetizers, entrees or deserts. Our waiter got used to Mike ordering yet another appetizer along with his desert. We all did our share of eating and the fact that everything was delicious made it easy. Watching the interaction and joy of those around the table was such a great gift to me. But in addition to the cruise, which is the best birthday present I could imagine, the kids gave me a certificate for a ‘hot stone massage.’ I will never forget the way that smooth heated stone felt pressing against my 50 year old muscles!

Another highlight was the ‘Superstar’ karaoke competition. Mike and Eric and nine others made it to the second round. Eric sang “Ring of Fire” well enough to be one of five chosen go on to the semi-finals. It was fun to sit as a family and cheer him on.

Eric was one of three performers to make it into the finals, which were held on our last night, in a very large auditorium. The whole thing was really fun! With about 700 in the audience Eric sang two songs. He did a great job and although he was not the over all winner, he was given many gifts and praise from those who enjoyed watching him on stage. When it was over one young boy (maybe about eight years old, clutching a pillow) came up and said, “You should have won!”

Two of our port days were rainy which meant we didn’t get to see much. But on other days we really enjoyed the snorkeling, beach and clear beautiful waters of the Caribbean. Along the way the sky and sea were magnificent and always changing. Our rooms were wonderful and the beds comfortable and you can see in the picture with me and Kayla napping. We enjoyed our time with her and often talked of the other grandchildren who we also love and wish lived closer to us. But it was nice for the married children to have some time to themselves.

I am very grateful for such a wonderful celebration, it has made my 50^th birthday my favorite birthday so far!

Turning 50

(Here is a recent picture of me with my dear friend, Kelly.
I’ve known her more than half my life. What a blessing.)

Today I am 49 tomorrow I’ll be 50. Turning 50 is quite a milestone, especially for me who was born at 2 ½ pounds and not expected to live. The Lord rescued me and I am grateful.

Lots of folks don’t like their 50^th birthday. They hide in a closet, or cry, or don’t allow anyone close to them to mention the fact.

Not me. I’m excited—because it gives me a reason to really celebrate. How’s going on a week-long Eastern Caribbean cruise sound? Fun—huh? Now add getting to take along all your children and their spouses (finance) and your mom and one nursing grandbaby. That’s what our family is doing, all 12 of us, thanks to the generosity of my sweet husband.

Now all that fun, all those memories, just for having a 50^th birthday makes me wish I’d hit this milestone sooner. Not that I’m wishing the rest of my life away, it’s already whizzing by at break-neck speed.

By the way all this celebrating may mean I’ll be away from this blog for a bit. But when I return, expect some great pictures! Blessings to all.

May I live each day of the rest of my life to honor the One who gave me breath. “Thank you Lord for life.”

A SEEKING HEART

(This was the sunrise the other morning)

Have you ever considered why the Lord God is One who reveals Himself and One who hides? I’ve wondered this as I’ve thought about how He has been communicating from the start—wanting contact with you and with me. He’s shown Himself and His care in creation and the seasons, with seed growing and bearing fruit to feed us. Cycle of faithful love. He’s given us a glimpse of His heart when we read the Scriptures and learn of How He longs to lead us as a shepherd leads his sheep.

Yet, He is also the Mysterious One who can’t really be fully grasped. The Infinite One not understood by the finite. And He seems to require something of us. Yes, in One sense, He is lavish in His revelation and pours Himself forth day after day. But He states that we will only find Him if we will seek Him with our whole heart. He’s generous but He isn’t cheap. He is not looking for the casually curious to be His worshippers. No, He wants us to want Him. To want Him enough to seek for Him, to yearn for Him, to desire Him.

We understand the longing to matter to someone. To have another care about what we think and who we are. To experience intimate union. We humans didn’t come upon this yearning on our own, the Lord built it into us, as a small reflection of Himself. Made in His image. In fact everything true about human (except sin and the results of sin) is first present in God and shared with us. So we in some ways are like Him.

If we understand wanting to be wanted, should it surprise us that the Lord also looks for those who long to know Him? Those who stop and look at a burning bush and pause long enough to consider what it might mean, what God might be saying? It was when God saw that Moses stopped, turned and wondered that He spoke to him.

So—to be one who stops, turns and wonders, taking time to consider carefully if God is near, this is what I want to develop in my life. A deep desire to know Him, not for my own purposes but for the simple fact that He interests me, His love draws me, He is worthy of all my attention and affection. In fact He is worthy of every single person’s love and adoration. That’s why, one day, every knee (every single knee) will bow and every tongue confess that Jesus is Lord. On that day, we will all declare this truth with one voice.

P.S. For any who read this, if you pray, would you include our friend's son, Jesse, who was involved in a serious car accident? Thanks. Sue

A WITNESS

(This is a picture of the grass in my garden that turns pink in the fall -- even when it is still gets up to 90 degrees, as it did today.) Beauty reminds me that the Lord is still at work in our sinfilled world.

As the horror settles the world watches and sees how people of faith deal with the slaughter of their children. “As they struggle with the slayings, the Amish in this Lancaster County village are turning the other cheek, urging forgiveness of the killer and quietly accepting what comes their way as God's will.”

People of faith have resources to deal with tragedy. And it not the fact that they have faith but that they have faith in Someone who is real and close and concerned, Someone who suffered for our sins and now lives to pray for us in our times of need.

“Lord Jesus, make me faithful—everyday in the joys and struggles life, and if a day of unimagined pain should come, may I find myself in faithfully proclaiming your Sovereignty and accepting what comes my way as Your will for my life. And may the witness of these brothers and sisters who are trusting you in their pain, soften hearts, proclaim your Wisdom and bring many to true faith. Amen.”

Broken Hearts

My heart is broken over the killings in the Amish school house. I have loved that part of the country and those people since living in PA while Craig went to medical school. Part of me is so ashamed that I did not react with this much emotion on hearing of the other recent school violence, they too were innocent ones. But violence feels different when it touches someone, or some thing that matters to us. It’s personal, painful.

Many thoughts. How could a man with children of his own do this to little girls? And did you see the report that the Amish are following the ways of Jesus by offering forgiveness? Perhaps their example of how to respond to horrendous violence will show the way for others who are in the midst of confusion and grief over the murder of their loved ones. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if their love, which flows from the heart of God, could send out a healing river across our land. One of forgiveness?

“Lord God, I know that Your heart breaks over sin and what it does to people, and how it destroys and deceives and robs us of all that is good. Forgive us Oh God! Have mercy on us, weak and evil of heart. We need You. Show us how to respond to hate, to anger, to abuse. Show us how to offer comfort and truth and healing. We need You to pour out Your Spirit on us! Revive us. We are dying, we are killing each other, we are killing ourselves. But You—You came to give us life, to make all things new to heal our broken hearts. Turn our hearts to You and show us Your mercy. Amen.”

I Don't Want to Take a Nap!

Here is Ethne sleeping on her mom’s shoulder (notice the pony tail sticking up in the air.) She really looks wiped out but when Aimee put her down for a nap, Ethne woke right up. Why is it that children fight napping when it makes them and us so much happier? I don’t think we ever outgrown this tendency of not really knowing what’s best for us. So often we are ruled by what we want not by what we really need.

Then again, maybe the problem is that we are not wise enough to know what we need. Or maybe, we confuse our needs and wants. I’m so thankful that God isn’t confused. That His thoughts are higher than mine and that He is faithful to do what is best for me even when I don't think I want or need what He’s offering!

Flying High

Last weekend I sat next to my husband as he flew us first to Elko, NV then up to Napa, ID. We saw some wonderful sights from the air and some long time, wonderful friends while on the ground.

Craig has always wanted to fly and although I resisted the idea for a long time, I am really glad this has become a reality for him (and for me).

It is fun. It is exciting. And it is good to share time with my husband. I have to admit I’m not much help and the term “airplane mamma” doesn’t really fit. He does a lot of work to keep up safe and get us where we’re going. I enjoy the sights, when not sleeping or reading.

Sort of like our life. He does all the hard work while I’ve got the easy job of being by his side and loving him. Now that’s not only easy it’s fun and it’s what I want to do. I am counting my blessings.

Today is Craig’s birthday and I am so thankful that Jesus decided to bring him into my life 32 years ago!!

Happy Birthday, Craig. I love you with all my heart! Yours, Sue

Worth Watching

Hi
I have so much to share with all of you, but I'm trying to prepare to teach Bible study tomorrow. I thought you'd like to see this short video, it's worth watching. Be prepared to cry.

never been unloved

Hey,
I have so much to share with all of you, but right now I'm preparing to teach Bible study tomorrow. So, I'll blog tomorrow and share some great picture. Meanwhile, if you have time, you might enjoy this great video about a dad and his son. It's wonderful.

Rainbows of promise

If you look closely, you’ll see that this is a double rainbow!

Rainbows are a constant reminder of God’s faithfulness. He is the perfect promise keeper. In the life of our family, the Lord has surprised us with many double rainbows, each one on a significant day. The evening before we left California for Philadelphia so Craig could start medical school, there was a double rainbow directly over our house. No rain, no clouds, just a perfect bow, reminding us that the Lord went before us and was with us.

Then, on the day when Craig graduated with his medical degree and family from all over celebrated with us, another one of those brilliant double bows appeared in the sky.

For these visual reminders that the details of our lives matter to Him, I am humbled. What a gift that the rainbow Maker would bless our lives with his colorful display.

Today, Eric and Amy talked to a professor at NMSU all about the film program the school is launching. Both prospective students seem quite excited that this may be the direction the Lord is taking them. So, perhaps this is their rainbow. Or maybe, you also live in El Paso, and looked in the evening sky and claimed those colors as a banner flying high declaring His love and care for you! There is enough of His grace for each of us, and when He offers a single gift of beauty, His supply isn’t diminished—for He Himself is the source of all and He depends on no one and nothing at all. All life and beauty, truth and promise flows out from His generous heart.

“Thank you, Lord for the beautiful rainbow today and that it reminds us of You and Your faithfulness. Amen.”

Thimble Holder

I have the honor of being one of the teachers for the ladies Bible study at my church. The best part of teaching is that it requires me to really ponder and think about the Scriptures or topic for that week’s study.

We’re looking at foundations of faith over a four-week period. We are considering what we believe about God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit and the Bible.

Today I taught on GOD the Father. How do you describe the indescribable or convey the vastness of one that is without measure, or explain Him who is beyond human understanding?

It’s like standing before the vast ocean, or maybe even floating in the middle of it, surrounded only by blue, holding a tiny thimble of salt water. Peering into this thimble I try to describe the ocean, which of course I only know from the little bit of water I hold tentatively between my frail fingers.

The lyrics to Chris Tomlin’s song conveys it well,

Chris Tomlin - Indescribable
From the album Arriving

From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea,
Creation's revealing Your majesty.
From the colors of fall to the fragrance of spring,
Every creature unique in the song that it sings. All exclaiming...

(Chorus)
Indescribable, Uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God.
All powerful, Untameable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees and we humbly proclaim,
You are amazing God.

Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go,
Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow?
Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light,
Yet conceals it to give us the coolness of night?
None can fathom...

(Chorus)

Incomparable, Unchangeable,
You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same.
You are amazing God.

By the way, this CD is called ‘Arriving’ and it is great! You can find it here!

Blessings from Grammy-Sue (Thimble holder)

A Listening Ear

We had a marriage and family seminar at church this weekend. The speaker did a great job. One of the things he said has struck me. He said that we should ask people questions. It show interest. In restaurants he always asks his server this question. “In a few minutes, we’re going to say the blessing. When we do, how can we pray for you?” Isn’t this a wonderful idea?

I am really bad about asking people questions. One reason is because I don’t want to pry. Often someone will share something quite personal and I’ll wait to see if they share more. But I see now that it is appropriate to at least follow up with a question. This shows I want to know more and that I care.

This seems so basic, doesn’t it? But I think this is the first time it’s made sense to me. I think another reason I don’t ask questions is that I feel more comfortable talking than listening. Ugh. That’s so ugly. Self-focused.

The Word says be quick to listen, slow to speak. I believe one reason the Lord asked me to start writing was so I could begin to think about my words, to look at them, examine them, delete all those that are unnecessary. Maybe I can transfer some of what I’ve learned into verbal communication. Oh I want to be a better listener! “Lord teach me to listen. Please put a guard over my mouth. Help me!”

Do you have a question that you like to ask when you want to encourage someone to talk? If so, what is it?

Blessings, Sue

Perspective

(And you thought you had a bad day)

I'’ll be the first to admit that my life is pretty easy. I basically get up when I want to do what I want. I want to obey Jesus so some of what I do is in response to what He's revealed in His Word or through His Holy Spirit. I also want to please me husband and take care of my family, and many of my activities flow out of this desire.

One of these duties is doing the laundry. I was busy all day yesterday, but when I tried to figure out what I'd accomplish it was hard to think of anything specific, except laundry. The clothes were washed and I even managed to fold them as they came out of the dryer. This contrasts my usual pattern of hanging up the shirts and slacks and dumping all the small stuff like socks and other white items into the hamper. This hamper is then moved into my large bathroom where it sits for a day or so until I take the time to match the socks and fold the rest and put everything away.

But yesterday, I needed to justify that I had spent productive time so I dealt with all the clothing that came out of the dryer. I even stood there, encouraging and congratulating myself, "I know this is boring, just do it—that way you can put everything away TODAY!"” (okay, some of us have smaller goals than others!)

After properly placing all clean clothes where they belonged I carefully arranged our empty hamper in our closet. I looked at it with satisfaction, but later, after my husband and I changed for bed, I glanced at the hamper and--—it was half full!

I groaned. My husband raised his eyebrows in question. "It'’s just so frustrating to get every bit of laundry done and to have the hamper full again."”

My husband just looked at me. He is a kind man and didn'’t say the obvious--—but as he stood silently before me the irony struck me--—you see he is a surgeon. While I hold clean socks in my hands, he hold lives in his. But I never hear him complain about his job. I said, "“I guess you might wish that the frustrations in your life were as simple as dirty clothes."”

Sometimes all it takes to gain a proper perspective is to compare our situation with what others face. "“Father, forgive me for grumbling about my jobs. I have a washer and dryer in my own home, with money to pay for the water and soap and even dryer sheets. YouÂ’ve given me time and good health and every single thing that I need to do this simple job. I really am grateful--and thankful that you care enough about me to wash me up and make me clean from ugly attitudes like grumbling. I love you, Lord. Amen."”

uhmm, mums

I find it really easy to be generous—to myself. This is true when I’m shopping and see something that appeals to me. I can usually justify purchasing it, even if I never knew I wanted or needed it until I saw it. Mind you it has to be cheap enough, and if it is I often buy it. Sonic happy hour is also a lure to me. If it’s between 2-5 PM I can buy one small drink and they give me two! That’s hard to pass up. So, if I’m out and about at the right time, I figure I can spend money to indulge myself.

I also look with a bit of distain on those who are generous but only to those in their immediate family. But today I realized that this same tendency lives in me. And the immediate family member I enjoy lavishing is myself. Ugh. I don’t like seeing this or saying it. But, hey, I’m a blogger and so I journal on-line for any to see.

Mums. I volunteered to supply the table decorations for the WOW Bible Study introduction breakfast. No one made me do this, I just blurted out, “I’ll take care of the decorations.” I wanted to do this. It was my idea. I like to make things looks pretty. I did this last year also, and I think that was part of the my problem, last year I got to take home all of the potted flowers I’d purchased for the centerpieces. I planted them in my garden and enjoyed their color for a long time. Maybe I thought the same thing would happen this year. I could buy flowers to use for others enjoyment but in the end they would be planted in my garden. Generosity with a huge benefit. Win—win big.

This year I bought beautiful burgundy colored mums. Got them at a great price and figured nine would be enough. I watered them for days and carefully loaded them in my van and even brought along green checkered cloth napkins to place underneath each one in the center of the tables.

Jeanne asked me if the flowers could be given as door prizes, I didn’t even hesitate to say “yes.” Then, when she forgot to mention this to the ladies, I reminded her. The outcome was that all the mums, but one, were claimed. Then I found out that one of the gals forgot to take hers. I offered to bring it next Tuesday.

The thing is, I said the right things and did the right things but a part of me didn’t like it one bit. I mean some where inside I must have been hoping I’d go home with all nine of those gorgeous mums. Then that expectation was lowered and I figured one would look nice in my garden. Now I don’t have any.

Here’s the point. I offered to provided them. I wanted to share, but I also wanted some for myself. Fact is, I can easily buy more, this means I can afford to be generous. What bothers me is that it was so difficult for me to give them all away—freely. Yet this is precisely the way Jesus says to give, freely, joyfully, with a cheerful heart. “Lord, I’m sorry about the mums. I have more flowers than I need or have time to care for. I’m sorry my heart isn’t instantly generous with no thoughts of self. I want to be like you, joyfully generous! Please change me. Amen.”

P.S. To any of my WOW friend who may read this confession. Please do not bring me flowers (I mean it) that would take away the preciousness of the lesson God is trying to work into my soul—okay? But thanks for the generous thought.

Cameron, first day of preshcool

Today our grandson, Cameron, went to preschool for the first time. He is two and a half and wasn’t around on 9/11, but what happened that day will affect his life. I suppose every generation of parents and grandparents consider it a hard time to raise children. Maybe because raising children is always a hard job. Not only did Cameron start preschool, I took a close look at pictures of my children when they were about his age. First because Ethne brought me Josh’s baby book and we looked through it. She thought the pictures of me all those years ago were her mom or Aunt Sara. I was astounded at how young Craig and I were! So young to be entrusted with the life of another human being. But I didn’t feel young, nurturing those babies felt natural to me.

I also handled school pictures of my four children, now age 27, 25, 23, 20. You see we have a high shelf in our bedroom and on it I’ve arranged all these childhood pictures—but they keep falling off. Today I dragged out the really tall ladder and figured out a way to keep the pictures in place (I hope). I bent coat hangers to make stands to support the pictures. Anyway, I handled each one and dusted it off and remember, for a moment, my children at that age.

Time is strange. I think it feels unnatural because it is and the older I get the more time seems not to fit. Each of us was made for eternity and at death we will throw off the restriction of time. That will be freeing. So, I have no point to make here, except maybe to try to remember to enjoy the time I have this day, since I don’t know what tomorrow holds (but I know who holds tomorrow). Blessings to all, sue

A LOOK INSIDE

Here is a picture of Ethne with pig-tails! She is enjoying her favorite pastime, watching movies of herself. In this home video she is dancing. It is such a cute movie, but I don’t how to save it so you can link to it.

Anyway, I guess we’re born wanting to see ourselves. No one had to teach Ethne that her own movies are her favorite. We also have movies of her cousins, she like them too, but not as much. I’m no different. If ever I see a group picture, which I’m in, I always pay special attention to how I look—for me that determines how good the photograph is.

But as natural as it is to look in the mirror and spend time on our appearance it is equally unnatural to want to take a close look at the inside of ourselves. It’s hard to identify our own faults, difficult to see our own sins. Easy to see how those around us should improve, change and take responsibility, and even easier to blame them without seeing our part in any difficulties.

But Jesus requires what is not natural. He looks past our outward appearance and asks us to examine our hearts and motives. I don’t like this. Pretending is easier, but it isn’t real and it is real deceiving because we can actually think we’re OK when we’re wretched.

The only way I know to see what is actually in my heart is to study God’s Word and see if my life lines up with what He says. This is hard. It is painful. It means I’ve got to let go of all my ideals of who I am and deal with my authentic self. I’m doing this now in one area of my life. I see that I’m falling short and am in need of a Helper, A Rock Higher than I—forgiveness and another chance! “Change me oh God, make me faithful and pleasing and true through and through. Amen.”

Unbridled Commitment

(Our granddaughter, Ethne Feuille, picture courtesy of her father see more of his work at http://robertfuel.com/)

Ethne reminds me that joy comes from going after what I want with unbridled commitment—without concern about the mess.

The Time Has Come

Tonight we’re hosting men’s Bible study in our home. I prepare a meal, the guys eat and then study God’s Word. I love to see my husband and his buddies with bowed heads and open hearts, sharing with each other, gaining from God’s truth.

For me this means summer is now officially over. I always dread this change, longing for the easy pace to continue. A big part of me protests and tries to ignore the fact that days of structure have returned, marching into my unorganized world like the black outlined numbered blocks on my calendar. As much as I resist and resent the order and the free spirit in me insists I haven’t had enough free time I know that this change is necessary and it is good.

Fall brings weekly women’s Bible study too. This provides accountability so that I actually spend time each week nourishing my soul. I don’t do Bible study because I’m holy, I do it because I’m not. This voluntary forced order has wonderful, life changing results. God speaks to me. I am fed by His Word. By next spring I will have studied the whole book of Romans. Now, that is good. It is better than another month of no demands.

Jesus said “The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.” Weak things have no business being in charge, so it is good for me that summer time comes to an end. Time for my flesh to be controlled, for me to accomplish something eternal with the time God’s given me. Time to put aside the easy life for the life of order in order to make a difference. Indulgence is so easy, discipline isn’t, but it is discipline that yields the fruit of righteousness.

(Hebrews 12:11 - All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.) That is fruit I want in my life—so welcome fall! Bring it on, I ready.

Unexpected Beauty

Flower in pot on my back patio.

I guess I’m not finished with flowers yet. I recently noticed a beautiful green vine growing in a pot on my back patio. My mom thought it might be beans. I had no idea what it was. I only knew it was lovely and that I didn’t plant it.

One day it bloomed. Beautiful trumpet shaped pink colored flowers! Do you think God acts in this same way when it comes to us humans? Just surprises us with beauty that we didn’t cultivate, never planned on or expected?

One day a new desire just blooms, “I think I’d like to try to paint with watercolors,” “Maybe I’ll learn to dance,” fun new ideas that suddenly burst on the scene of our lives. And we stand back in wonder as they take root and grow into the fabric of our being.

Maybe it’s new neighbors, or going to the gym. In the past worship dance and writing have been unexpected surprises that have grown to be an integral part of who I am.

I’m going to India. I’m scared. It will not be a comfortable trip and I really enjoy convenience and ease and toilet paper. But even though I feel unprepared and that I have nothing to offer, I believe it is the Lord who has asked me to go.

So, since LORD means, He decides and I abide, I’m going. I believe that something new may bloom in my heart as a result. I’m praying my heart is soft enough to allow new seeds to spring to life.

My trip is the first two weeks in November and I would really really appreciate your prayers (if the Lord brings me to mind). Thank you.

“Lord, somehow, by your mighty touch, make me like this unexpected flower to the people I meet, and please Lord, I’m asking you to bear the fruit you desire from my going. To the praise of your glory. Amen.”

Frozen Stuff

Are you ever forced to do something you knew needed to be done? Like washing clothes so you’d have something clean to wear, or studying because of a final exam?

I’ve been thinking about cleaning out our freezer for a long time now. Sort of planning to get to it one of these days. Lately I’ve grown so sincere about this task, that I’ve even declared to whoever was nearby that, “I’m going to have to clean out the freezer, someday soon.”

I don’t know why this type of confession always makes me feel less guilty. I guess acknowledging my lack of industry and my good intentions to correct the situation somehow give me the excuse to put things off a little bit longer.

But tonight, during dinner a package arrived. A gift for my husband from a friend. It arrived in a Styrofoam cooler from Omaha Steak Company. When we opened it, every box inside was labeled, “Keep Frozen.”

Everyone around the table was smiling, at the steaks and burger and pork chops. I didn’t see any reason smile. No, I knew my time had come—all my fine excuses vanished along with my hopes of a relaxing evening.

Now—after the deed is done, I’m smiling. It feels good to complete a task that I’ve put off doing. It didn’t actually take that long and there is something nice about a clean freezer with extra space. Besides, I found a bunch of stuff I didn’t even know I had and can’t remember ever cooking. Much of it was put down the garbage disposal. There’s a thought, all that stuff I’d never use, taking up space I needed. There a lesson there somewhere. Can’t figure it out right now, I’m worn out and ready for bed.

Maybe one day I’ll grow up and just do what needs to be done without putting it off, I hope so, for Jesus said that if I am faithful in little I’ll be faithful in much. I want to be like that, don’t you?

Eric, Amy and I with my dad and Alice.

My husband and son are pilots which means we have the pleasure of taking weekend trips by air in a small plane. Last weekend we flew to San Diego and stayed with Craig’s parents and got to see his sisters. We also checked out possible wedding sites for Amy and Eric. It was a fun time.

On Sunday, we decided that instead of flying straight home, we’d fly over to Bullhead City, AZ where my dad and his wife live, so we could have lunch with them. It was a very nice visit, long overdue, since I have not seen my dad for years. That sounds awful, doesn’t it? We don’t live all that far apart, but our lives seem very distant from each other.

Even flesh and blood drift if not connected by a rope of on going communication. I’m learning that this is vital with my kids who are far away. I tend to avoid the phone and sure prefer blogs and emails. But today I talked to my very dear friend, Kelly, after way too long, and it was wonderful. She’s another one who I have neglected. I’ve always assumed that since we’re friends, we’re friends for life. But I see now that a growing relationship requires more than that.

It’s got me thinking about how much work it take to establish and maintain relationships. Since relating is key to having a relationship an effort needs to be made to relate. This is true with people and with Jesus. If I really want to know more of Him and who He is, to discover and uncover His heart and know Him fully, I need to spend time every single day relating to Him. My relationship with Him can’t be based on what we shared in the past but on what we are sharing today.

Sounds awfully basic for someone who has walked with the Lord for as many years as I, but it’s coming home to me in new ways. Effort is always involved. Jesus is available to each of us, but we need to make the effort to go to Him and meet with Him and to listen.

“Lord help me to nurture the wonderful relationships you’ve given me, most especially the one you and I share. Help me, this year, to make this a priority. Amen.”

the taste of new discoveries

Here is a picture of Ethne giving me a flower she picked in our front yard.

My granddaughter, Ethne, rubbed her tongue against her gums and proclaimed, “Tooth!” Her mother, Aimee, peeked into her mouth and sure enough, there was a new molar.

I feel a bit like that in my life right now, that there might something just under the surface pushing, straining, trying to break through. Like I’m a clay pot on the wheel and the fist of the Potter is firmly applying gentle pressure to the shape of my life.

This process, as toddlers know, can cause pain, confusion and discomfort. It always brings change, something that wasn’t a part of your life before. You have to learn to adjust. Even once you get used to the change, you still might bite your tongue now and then, but the trade off is that you’re enabled to chew up many delicious items.

Faith is about believing God ordains the timing of the eruptions in my life. Each one is necessary in my process of maturing and even though change requires adjustments which can be hard, in the end I find that I really do love the taste of new discoveries!

Freewill

(Here is our youngest grandchild, Kayla Rose who is about 8 weeks old)

Someone I love is having a hard time, which means I’m having a hard time. Love it like that, it makes you care, it causes you to long for the best for them, and strain with all you heart that they will make good and wise and godly decisions and that each choice will take them on down the path of righteousness.

But the intensity of my passion will not control their free will. Freewill is one of the most mysterious and greatest of all the paradoxes—ever. After all, if the Lord had given us only the ability to do good and to choose good all would be good, right? In one way, yes but not really. The thing is the Lord is after our freely given obedience flowing from a surrendered heart of love. Me, choosing to do that which pleases Him because I love Him. Sometimes it hurts, it usually hard and often means I have to let go of myself and my own self-focused desires.

Yet, the Only Wise God has given each person free will so we can chose to love and follow Him or go our own way. The thing is we may really love Him and still make choices that take us down the path away from the Great Lover of our Souls.

I’m rambling. Sorry. So, back to it, have you noticed that you can’t make choices for others? Some of us spend a lot of energy trying to control what others do, it never works. At the same time, it is so easy to refuse to take responsibility for our own choices! If I’m worrying, I can choose to pray and to give my concerns to God and not worry, that’s freewill. If I wish I didn’t ache, I can go for a walk or to the gym, that’s free will. If I wish this world was full of God’s love being expressed, I can get involved in the doing instead of spending my energy trying to control what I can’t and controlling what I can.

After all one day, when we take our last breath, the Lord will ask us about OUR life, only ours, and how we choose to freely live. “Lord make me faithful. Show me how to live a life in the fullness of your love. Please help me and those in my inner circle to love you with all their heart and mind and soul and strength. To the praise of your glory. Amen”

Here is our youngest grandchild, Kayla Rose.

My Flowers

I've been feeling a little guilty about my blogs concerning the beautiful flowers in Scotland. You see, another thing about beauty, is that it surrounds us but we need to take time to notice it. My very own yard has beautiful flowers. They are the type that can withstand extreme heat and it helped so much when my husband put drippers on them so they would get enough water. So this blog is an apology to my flowers and a photo declaration that I really do enjoy them!
As an extra special bonus, a butterfly came along to enjoy my flowers when I was shooting pictures, isn't that wonderful? There were two butterflies, I feel very fortunate to have had the camera in my hand and been able to catch a shot of one of these lovely creatures. Blessings to all. Sue

Water From Heaven

I live in the high desert. Recently we’ve had a lot of rain—flooding, streets that looked like rivers, homes destroyed.

They say it’s a 250 year cycle. It’s bizarre. It’s also surprising.

When I look around now, I see green. It startles me and I always take a second look just to see if I really saw what I saw. The hills near my home has been brown and barren since we moved here. Shrubs and cactus grow there but the ground in a hard crusty layer of sun baked sand. Not anymore. Green plants, grasses, and flowers now cover the ground. It looks like someone Big with a huge can of paint has sprayed the soil with green paint, except it’s not fake looking like those lawns in California that were painted during the drought.

This is real. Living. Things are growing. It’s made me realize that all a desert lacks for beauty is water. That may be a no brainier for most of you, but for me it is amazing. Underneath that baked earth, seeds just waited for water. Some maybe waited 250 years (if seeds stay viable that long). When enough moisture finally touched them, they responded by growing.

The Bible talks of the Lord bringing streams to the desert. Here’s one verse from Isaiah 35:6 “Springs will gush forth in the wilderness, and streams will water the desert.”

Before, I thought verses like these were an allegory for God quenching the thirst of people by giving them water in a place that was dry. Now I’m wondering if it isn’t a wonderful promise of change and growth! Things do not have to stay hard, all we need is a touch of God’s grace flowing down from heaven to water our souls and then we can begin to grow!

Another word from growing is changing! Our lives don’t look the same, they gain color, when He has touched us with healing rain. What type of little dormant seeds do I harbor deep in my soul? What is hidden there, just needing, longing for, asking for, God to pour out His streams. We can not will our dreams or potential to grow, no, like seeds, they are responders. What I need is an outpouring from the Life Giver, the One who sends rain, and provides streams in the desert.

The notes rise to heaven

I have a friend named Nancy who is going through a really hard time. They bought a huge house and each day since they moved in they have discovered more and more problems with the house. The worst is an illegal septic system. It seems the previous owners simply pumped their raw sewage into the irrigation canals (they live in the valley where they have irrigation rights from the Rio Grande.)

In their haste they didn’t have an inspection preformed. Now they are stuck with mounting bills and the stress of deciding if they should take legal action for non-disclosure. As you can imagine this is very stressful on their family and marriage. I’m telling you this for two reasons, first to ask you to join me in praying for her. Also, I thought you’d be encouraged by what she told me. “When I get too discouraged I get out my Clarinet and play, "I surrender all" on the porch. I can just picture her there, playing, pouring out her heart to the Lord through music and the notes forming prayers that rise to the heavens and push back the injustice and suffering in her world, allowing the grace of God to fill her heart.

Hike up the mountain

One day, a group of us decided to hike in Scotland. We wanted to see the view of the lake from the top of the mountain. The periodic rain turned into a downpour, complete with a howling wind.

That hike held some lessons for me. I was so thankful to the person who went to the trouble to draw a map of the hike. That reminded me of how the Lord has provided the Bible to help us navigate safely through life.

I was very grateful to those who had gone before us, years ago, to clear trees and form a path for us to walk. I gave silent thanks for those unknown souls who had carefully positioned flat rocks to form steps so we could safely maneuver the sharp decent down the mountain in the pouring rain. Like the people of faith who preceded us, leaving stepping stone of wisdom and experience to help us in the hard places when the storms rage.

I had help from those around me. Words of encouragement and hands extended to steady my step. And I was especially thankful that my husband had decided to buy me a raincoat just before we left the states. When the wind was at it’s strongest, I lowered my umbrella and tightened the hood of my raincoat. Craig had provided me with just what I needed. Like Jesus, who makes sure we have all we need in our life journey, including friends to help us along the way.

“Thank you Lord, for your provision of your Word, and members of your body to help us climb up to high places in our life so we see the view despite the storm. Amen.”

More thoughts on beauty

The Lord made beauty that is unseen and undiscovered. Crystals silently forming in rocks. Lakes glistening in hidden valleys. Flowers growing where only He sees. The fact that beauty draws, feeds and nurtures us, reveals something of who God is. For we are made like Him. Any emotion we experience doesn’t begin with us, but with Him. We simply reflect His image as we enjoy, create, and celebrate beauty.

I tend to be practical. This is shown in the gifts I give. If they are useful, I think they are good. If a church building is a simple warehouse structure that can be used in a multitude of ways, this makes sense to me. Beauty challenges this thinking, for loveliness it isn’t usually utilitarian. The stained glass windows I admired in Scotland must have been costly to create and are no more functional than ordinary windows, which surely would have cost less. Couldn’t that money have been saved and used to feed the poor? It is the same argument raised when the woman poured perfume lavishly over the feet of Jesus. He said, “Leave her alone. Why are you bothering her? She has done a beautiful thing to me.” (Mark 14:6)

So here we see that the Lord doesn’t measure acts of service or love or any activity by its usefulness or by its practicality. Any ideas on why? What does this show us about Him?

For me, beauty is useful in one way. It reminds me that the Lord God delights to create and share beauty and He Himself is beautiful in ways I can’t begin to comprehend.

Here are more pictures that are full of beauty.

Blessings to all! Sue

BEAUTY

Scotland is full of flowers! They are every where! Growing wild along the train tracks, grouped together in planters on balconies or beside front doors. The variety of colors and types are endless. Flowers show me that God cares about beauty. I'm sure some flowers are eatable but mostly, flowers are not functional except to feed the soul. Shades of color to brighten a mundane world. Each of us is a special creation who brings beauty into the lives of those around us. Where ever we find ourselves, that is the place to be who God made us to be. Flowers know this. They don't uproot themselves, they just grow where they are, right where God has planted them, and show forth His beauty. I want to do that too.

Another Daughter!

I've missed talking to you! Just got back from Great Britain it was a wonderful trip. More on that later.
The big news around here is that our youngest son, Eric, has found his soulmate and has proposed. Thankfully she loves him too and said "Yes!"
Here is a picture of the two of them. Her name is Amy Belivns. So, we have another Amy joining the family, to keep them separate we call here, Maimme (this is how Ethne pronounces her name!).I'll post a more official engagement picture soon.
Rejoice with us in this happy news.